Being Myself..

How many times u have thought of someone else and dint do a thing that u always wanted to do..?

some of u might answer.. "always.." as you depend a lot on others for ur decisions and hence do as they say.. may be their experiences are far better than you taking risks.. but what u learned in that course of time then..?

my life is always surrounded by influential people who have a mindset of influencing people.. who want me to follow the paths that they covered.. they know about the stones and pebbles and want me to avoid them as i lead forward..

but how does it helps me anyway..? isnt it like i shud remember the way like they did and then guide other people to the destination without getting hurt..??

does it gives satisfaction..? a feeling of achieving something is always missing. u never reached there on ur own. u r not the winner. u never faced cuts and bruises that time showed.. u never enjoyed ur life then. i know this because i did the same. followed what others said.. been a mice in a rat race of today's world. someone always holding me up by my tail and dropping me forward but then i lost the grace of being a winner.

been months i m trying to do what my heart says.. i have been myself for quite a period now. i am taking my life on my terms. i know how it feels. you fall, you get dropped, you loose but then its all urs..

a moment of success will come in everyone's life.. but make sure it was you who crossed the line by urself.. so that u can always say.." i get here because i was myself.."

Imperfectly different..

Plannings..? dreams..? do they always come out the way u wished them to be..?

since i was 15.. i thought of something else to be than wht i m nw.. i thought of becoming a soldier when i was 12.. then a cricketer when i was 17.. then again a soldier when i turned 20.

today i am an engineer.. and do no work that can actually please my soul. everything that i thought in my life was imperfect. my decisions.. my thoughts of living.. chasing my dreams.. everything associated to my life was termed imperfect. and that had to be done one day.. for the things i did.

i used to draw and paint.. something that no one in my close vicinity used to do. from far.. it looked like a magic.. but when a closer eye examined it.. remarks were.." its not that perfect the way it looked.." "but definitely .. its different.. ".

one day i thought to write something.. a poem or a piece.. it was incomplete but first viewers are your close ones and their views are always in their mind.. "its totally imperfect.. change this.. change that..". i grew from that age.. my words of expressions changed.. the direction of my life changed and so changed the views and the way i wrote.. but people close still say "it has to be more perfect.."

should i be sad..? or happy..? should i smile my way around or just be there in a corner to improve from my imperfection..? its the way i have been doing since years.. to be someone who is imperfect in all the things he do..

there have been many a times when i dearly wished that my work gets appreciated.. but some moves you make in life are definitely not the best. someone perfect is always there in the world to prove your imperfection. sometimes a gentle praise can push a milestone a mile ahead when you want to travel world.

my journey is full of people who have their milestones.. their destination fixed. i m still striving to be someone different.. to be someone great.. to be a known face in the world..

i want to be imperfectly different.. because u r different when u r not the same and with some imperfections behind you.. u always improve..

Dreams of Success...

just like any other usual day.. i was sitting in the cafeteria of my office.. and few tables away i cud see a poster displaying a beautiful scene and words of encouragement as.. "Nothing is as real as a dream.. go for it..".. and i smiled..

having sips of cola with wafers mellowing the time.. i thought that i think everyday.. of my dreams.. goals.. ambitions.. success and achievement..

i admit... since the day i joined the company i hv become more ambitious... my hunger for success increased within no time.. and now i want to reach heights where one doesnt feel sad.. only proud and happiness takes u over..

sitting over there... i thought of penning down something.. a framed story or any fictional tale related to dream and beauty wasnt possible.. so after years.. i wrote a poem.. may be it wont have that smoothness that my earlier poems used to had.. but the person writing this has changed over the period of time.. and isnt the same.. i named it as..

"Dreams of Success"

as the dreams fly on
with my take on life
just to hold them once
everyday i strive

alone in the woods
i walk the dawning day
watching them go
behind the clouds and golden rays

and my senses tickle me to smile
with no reason i keep moving miles
for the catch, that i see every night
as i sleep, to welcome a day bright

with the wants and wishes
i close the day
with some aspirations
that glorify the way

ah! i am tired
feel lost and dead
screams of pain
now all over spread

into a river i dive to flow
been a person who needed to grow
like an age it seems now
success is my life, my beauty and vow!
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so.. now.. after writing this i realized hw much i am into my thoughts and dreams that i dont see the small happiness around me.. smiles of faces dont attract me anymore.. something is stoned within me that is not melting.. maybe with time as i rise to greater heights.. the sun wud melt it down..

after all success has the heat, that makes everyone bow..