~~~ The Kohl Effect ~~~

Jasbir and Shruti have been living happily ever since he proposed to her.. sometimes it's better to live in fiction than being in real..

I felt that there is no point in stretching stories.. characters are unreal.. story is all made up.. and sadness acts as a gravity which makes people fall for the things going around.

Its around 4:10 in the morning and I sit in my balcony with a glass of orange juice.. I feel the cool breeze flowing through my face.. yes it rained few hours back.. and the moon has spread its magic.. The “Royal Enfield” on my bullet is shining bright and blue.. and the leaves of the deodar trees in my house, give me a disturbed glimpse of big bright moon.

I might pick up my painting brush soon.. as I am not feeling sleepy at all.. its not that I haven’t tried.. but wasn’t successful in my tries.. I rolled on my bed for like thousand times.. almost woke up my brother sleeping next to me.. then went to the kitchen to prepare some tea.. this disturbed my mom.. so I switched off the light there and opened fridge for some juice.. and again .. it became the reason for waking up my Grand mother.. Anyhow.. she wanted to see the live prayers from the Golden Temple.. I could not bear these telecasts.. so I took this laptop and came out in verandah..

Its so peaceful here.. wi-fi is working fine… headphones sound best.. and heart beats fast..!

No.. I am not going into past now.. enough of it.. but I cant help but realize that present is no different from past.. I still don’t have anyone to talk to… someone whose messages I could check every morning I get up.. someone.. whom I could message with “<3” and “:-*” before sleeping .. someone who don’t screams at me.. speaks softly.. holds my hands when we meet.. and look deep into my eyes when we talk with her kohl laden eyes.. deep as abyss.. it always has been this way only… either losing someone.. or missing someone..

Ok.. lately.. I have been thinking of someone.. she has pretty good eyes.. great smile.. good brains and rest is best. But it has always been a war within me when it comes to confess what I feel.. well we met in a very strange way.. I was in a food court having something.. (must be KFC).. and then was thinking to have some more.. so I went back and stood in the queue.. this girl.. she was on the other side… not to mention I was staring at her.. she was dusky.. “:-D”

She looked at me and gave me a confused look.. but hardly she realized that I was more confused than her. She took her order and left.. I also picked my burger and came back to my seat.. there I saw her again.. I think she was with her friends.. and then I turned my chair.. my back facing her.. and I turned my head and tried to look at her from the corner of my eyes.. did that 30-40 times .. and after few minutes when I tried to look at her again.. I found she already left.. I was so chocked that I never realized that I dropped my burger too.. sprang out of the seat and literally started running in the food court.. couldn’t find her.. went to the washroom.. stood there for some 5 minutes.. but could not see her.. and then I saw her going down from the escalators..

I took the stairs.. and caught her in front of my eyes again.. she went to the parking.. I think to see off her friend.. and then she turned back… and screamed.. “Hey you..” .. I ignored her.. she yelled again.. “hey you.. black turban”… I had no choice.. I stopped walking.. turned back and looked at her.. and she said.. “I have been watching your drama since 2 hours..” I said.. “I..I… I… IIIII.. II..I… ahemm… I was just …”.. she said.. “Shut Up..!” “Right now I am in a hurry.. I need to go home.. lets meet tomorrow.. at McD.”..

I looked at her.. dumb .. numb.. she then crossed me.. tapped at my shoulder and left with a smile.. I turned at her slowly.. she looked back at me.. she had deep brown eyes.. pitched rightly between a field oh kohl.. a pretty smile and a heavenly way of waving her hands.. I don’t think I was breathing.. or living.. or whatever…

………………………. Oh.. it seems my Dadaji is up.. he just came to me and asked if I will have tea.. hmmmmmmm… its sunrise again…. I need to get ready.. I need to go and meet that girl today at McD.. I will ask her name.. what she does.. what is her favourite colour.. her hobbies.. her interests.. likes .. dislikes.. and tell her.. “I love you”.. I hope she does not laugh it off..

Painting I will do.. soon..

~~~Burnt to Smokes~~~

and I was sitting with nearly 200 people knowing only 4 of them in a dark hall and my eyes could see a movie being played in front of me.... but watching the memories of past.

scene after scene.. customized on fictitious character turned out real when the cry of heart screamed in songs.. tearing the hearts and eyes being unable to hold the pain of the years that I so wished to delete from my life.

Phase by phase her thoughts seek through the porous walls that I built around my life.. helplessly witnessing her mix with the leftover seconds I thought she left for me to live.. And then more .. some more of her was now my part...

her face came in front of my eyes... each time I saw her was the first time... I wanted to wipe that face of hers for that moment.. but then dint know what to do... that moment.. wanted to scream out her name.. but wasn't able to... the noise of my breaths hovered my voice...

attached with the thin string of the heart.. the dimension of helplessness.. as the knock on the doors that never opened... the noise.. once again... never stopped on my will.. the wind of thoughts pushed me away from you... the brunt of hatred.. burning me to smokes...

the language cryptic to my mind... made me to stare at you... caging to the moment of my life.. with no expectation from life.. to keep you or let you go... and then the beats increase... the sound of the speakers ... I need to beg you from you... and more.. and more time from your life.. the distance has a friction.. which are the flames... a puzzle of life.. you being the solution...

the steps when taken towards you... never tired.. the burst of tears.. witnessing myself to smokes.. P.S. ..... It is still there...

~~~Drops~~~

It was that part of the year when the rain has just started, the anxiety is on a lift and your heart beats faster than it generally does. Monsoon.

then Jai sitting at his usual place of the classroom,with tie up to his neck.. dressed in formals.. was blankly staring at the screen that was replaced with one slide after another.

his eyes stuck to the projector as he noticed variation in the projection light whenever the slide changed. then he looked towards the screen. Bright white screen for a split of the second ... and this activity was getting repeated for last 2 hrs..

just wehen the clock showed 11.. he looked at the Professor, who un-interestingly walked through the class giving a ten minute break.

As the crowd slowly vented off the class.. Jai slowly stood up.. turned towards the window and pulled aside the curtains. His eyes shone with happiness.. excitement.. joy...

It was raining..!

The drops of rain splattered at the window panes and slid off the glass making a trail and direction for other drops to follow... as he counted hundreds of drops followed the path that the first drop left behind... he smiled...

he smiled of innocence.. of purity .. of the child inside him.. of the pain and the sorrow.. as he went back to the past he thought he left behind years back..

It was the same kind of setup in the August of 2007 when the whole class left for the lunch. As he stood beside the window stretching his hand outside... feeling the rain falling on his palm... and his eyes closed.. And then when a swirl of air swayed droplets on his face.. he slowly opened his eyes... to find a girl.. getting drenched to her heart's content... dancing with the falling rain in the school uniform.

and when she looked up towards the sky... her eyes met with the most curious eyes in the way between.. she had ever seen..!! and looked into them for an eternity.

She immediately understood the unsaid words behind those pair of eyes.. feelings that connected hearts.. bond that last for a lifetime. They both stood still and gazed at each other's heart.. and then Jai started walking towards her..

he moved out of the classroom.. walked into the rain... towards his love... and when they .... .........

........

...............

.......... suddenly Jai's cell vibrated ... that made him come back to present... he checked his cell.. It was Nisha who messaged him.. he opened it .. it read.. "I love you.. miss you.. what are you doing..?"

to which he replied back.. "Its raining here..."