~~~Burnt to Smokes~~~

and I was sitting with nearly 200 people knowing only 4 of them in a dark hall and my eyes could see a movie being played in front of me.... but watching the memories of past.

scene after scene.. customized on fictitious character turned out real when the cry of heart screamed in songs.. tearing the hearts and eyes being unable to hold the pain of the years that I so wished to delete from my life.

Phase by phase her thoughts seek through the porous walls that I built around my life.. helplessly witnessing her mix with the leftover seconds I thought she left for me to live.. And then more .. some more of her was now my part...

her face came in front of my eyes... each time I saw her was the first time... I wanted to wipe that face of hers for that moment.. but then dint know what to do... that moment.. wanted to scream out her name.. but wasn't able to... the noise of my breaths hovered my voice...

attached with the thin string of the heart.. the dimension of helplessness.. as the knock on the doors that never opened... the noise.. once again... never stopped on my will.. the wind of thoughts pushed me away from you... the brunt of hatred.. burning me to smokes...

the language cryptic to my mind... made me to stare at you... caging to the moment of my life.. with no expectation from life.. to keep you or let you go... and then the beats increase... the sound of the speakers ... I need to beg you from you... and more.. and more time from your life.. the distance has a friction.. which are the flames... a puzzle of life.. you being the solution...

the steps when taken towards you... never tired.. the burst of tears.. witnessing myself to smokes.. P.S. ..... It is still there...

~~~Drops~~~

It was that part of the year when the rain has just started, the anxiety is on a lift and your heart beats faster than it generally does. Monsoon.

then Jai sitting at his usual place of the classroom,with tie up to his neck.. dressed in formals.. was blankly staring at the screen that was replaced with one slide after another.

his eyes stuck to the projector as he noticed variation in the projection light whenever the slide changed. then he looked towards the screen. Bright white screen for a split of the second ... and this activity was getting repeated for last 2 hrs..

just wehen the clock showed 11.. he looked at the Professor, who un-interestingly walked through the class giving a ten minute break.

As the crowd slowly vented off the class.. Jai slowly stood up.. turned towards the window and pulled aside the curtains. His eyes shone with happiness.. excitement.. joy...

It was raining..!

The drops of rain splattered at the window panes and slid off the glass making a trail and direction for other drops to follow... as he counted hundreds of drops followed the path that the first drop left behind... he smiled...

he smiled of innocence.. of purity .. of the child inside him.. of the pain and the sorrow.. as he went back to the past he thought he left behind years back..

It was the same kind of setup in the August of 2007 when the whole class left for the lunch. As he stood beside the window stretching his hand outside... feeling the rain falling on his palm... and his eyes closed.. And then when a swirl of air swayed droplets on his face.. he slowly opened his eyes... to find a girl.. getting drenched to her heart's content... dancing with the falling rain in the school uniform.

and when she looked up towards the sky... her eyes met with the most curious eyes in the way between.. she had ever seen..!! and looked into them for an eternity.

She immediately understood the unsaid words behind those pair of eyes.. feelings that connected hearts.. bond that last for a lifetime. They both stood still and gazed at each other's heart.. and then Jai started walking towards her..

he moved out of the classroom.. walked into the rain... towards his love... and when they .... .........

........

...............

.......... suddenly Jai's cell vibrated ... that made him come back to present... he checked his cell.. It was Nisha who messaged him.. he opened it .. it read.. "I love you.. miss you.. what are you doing..?"

to which he replied back.. "Its raining here..."

~~~Forever~~~

Previous part :- http://jasmit-arora.blogspot.com/2010/12/midnight-cup.html

The life of Jasbir has been a roller coaster ride since Shruti was once again the word on his lips.. the face on his heart and motive of his life.

he was seen smiling again.. the near and dear ones noticed a new charm in his behaviour and pulled his leg often. dark circles were gone.. as he reduced his working hours and started a routine of talking to Shruti over the night with his eyes closed. he felt he has taken birth again.. this time to be with with Shruti.. again.

It was sunday morning when his cell rang.. different ringtone. (For Shruti he had a different one) His boss called. He picked it up and answered .. "Yes boss.. .. now..? but I had different plans.. yes I knw its urgent..as always... yaa .. tomorrow off..? sure..? ok.. I will be there in an hour.. and boss.. thanks.."

he sprang out off the bed and rushed towards washroom. Got ready in minutes and dressed casually.. quickly wiped the dust off his bike.. kicked start it and started riding for office.. on sunday morning when his roommates were still snoring out the saturday night sleep.

he was all happy.. his boss promised him a Monday off for coming on that day.. Monday.. VALENTINE's DAY..!! he coudnt thank God much on that day..!

he happily passed over the day with earphones in his ears and listening to all romantic songs that he loaded in his cell phone last weekend.. and that were in repeat mode..
each good line of the song brought a smile on his face. Each song brought the face of Shruti in front of his eyes.. he would blindly stare the monitor.. and then after minutes he would blink and find himself in a different world.. that is without Shruti.. that would make him sad.. still the happiness in his heart kept him smiling..

as the work got over.. he mailed his boss and left the office.. Instead of lift he preferred stairs.. swiftly walking as he moved out of the office gate.. he felt the chill in air.. The clouds hovered around and gave a strong hint that they would rain...

as he was looking up he closed his eyes.. Shruti's face came instantly and impatiently he said.. "how much i love you.. " and then his cell started ringing..

It was Shruti who called.. he picked it up and she asked.."kii kar raye ho..? Kitthey ho..?" (What are you upto right now..? and where are you..? ).. to which he replied.. "Huney hii office to nikleya hana meri jaan.. ghar jaa reya c.." ("just came out of the office.. was on my way to home..")

"Office..? es waaste call ni kitta..? te Sunday nu kyuuuun..?"(Office..? thats y u dint call.. and why on Sunday..?)

"Kal di chhutti mil gayi hai.. kal shaami milde haan"..(got a day off tomorrow.. meet you in the evening..)..

and then he kicked start his bike and started moving on his way home..

Came the 14th of feb. his day.. the day he decided he would officially ask Shruti to be his Forever..

as the sun started to set down.. his feelings had a rise in his heart.. he was over whelmed with joy and excitement.. and courage binded them all with hopes of happiness that awaited him..

he pulled out the brightest white shirt he had in his wardrobe.. pulled out a fresh pair of jeans.. his musk perfume.. his Tag-Heuer.. and checked the credit card in his wallet..
then as he moved out of the home.. he looked up.. at the dark blue sky.. closed his eyes and remembered his Grandfather..

he knew God might be busy in hearing other concerns of people.. but his Grandfather was there only for him..

after few minutes.. he was there at the restaurant.. the table was already booked by Jasbir in the morning.. and he ordered coffee.. no.. tea.. no.. lemon tea.. no.. Lime soda.. no no.. yes.. Sweet Lime Soda.. as he killed minutes in wait of his love.. who arrived...

who arrived.. wearing a white evening gown and the most beautiful smile.. with the best eyes in the world that glitterd with happiness..

On seeing her Jasbir stood up.. and as she came near.. they were looking in each other's eyes.. they knew they dont had anything to say through words.. Jasbir took her face in his hands.. and slowly kissed her forehead and her eyes.. and then they hugged each other.. for the first time.. and this time Shruti said.. "I love you.." and the embrace grew stronger..

then when they released each other.. their eyes were wet.. they had rediscovered the love they had lost once, earlier in their life.. then Jasbir said..

"Shruti.. though I tried to tell you many a times that I love you.. somehow i always felt that you knew it already.. but today.. i believe I had to tell you this.. because you deserve to be loved.. and you should know that it is me who love you most in the world..

It is me who think about you each day and night.. each dusk and dawn.. each second and minute and each breath and blinks..

It is me who believes that I can love you till I exist.. that I can keep you happy till you are there.. and can make you forget each your pain..

and It is you.. who are the most beautiful one.. who resides in my heart where it beats.. whose face goes down with sun and rise with moon.. who makes my universe only as large as your eyes.. and its your name that is spelled out with my each breath..

Shruti.. I love you.. nad it is you who has made me to say this.. but please.. be mine.. forever.. say yes...!"

and as he stopped.. Shruti kissed him.. with tears flowing through.. and then mumbling with words she tried to say.. "i always tried to say Yes .. but i thought you always knew what was in my heart.. and..".. and tears started flowing like a stream of water.. and Jasbir wiped those tears and said slowly in her ears.. "This is the last time I am seeing you cry.. you deserve only smiles.." .. and she smiled while she cried.. and hugged him.. close to her heart.. with a promise to be with each other.. forever..

~~~Memories~~~

Jane.. she was a synonym of grace, beauty and affection to Russel.

every morning when he woke up.. he admired the beauty of Jane as she came fresh out of shower draped in her bath robe with water dripping her long locks with a smile on her face.. and as she came near him.. he used to look into her lovely eyes.. with all his love.. and then kissed them..

every morning he used to lie in Jane's laps.. playing with her cheeks ... and saying "I love you.." countless number of times.. because everytime he said this.. Jane used to blush.. pink.. her lips used to twitch between her teeth.. and then she wud smile..

There were days when both of them used to sit in front of each other and then looked at each other for hours and hours.. and tried to say something with their eyes.. and then note it down on a piece of paper.. to check if they cud communicate through eyes too..? and yes they cud..

it was their second year of their marriage.. and they had already travelled half of the world.. had been to most of the known places.. big statues, water falls.. mountains.. sea and desert.. and had some moments of theirs named to each place they visited.. they kissed and named each one the place where they were..

one day she found a letter that he wrote when he was just another kid living next door on the day before Valentine's day.. she smiled... and opened the letter... its been 8 years after that day.. that letter looked still very new.. very pure.. with thoughts, warmth and words of love by Russel..

it read..

"

I dont know.. yes.. i dont know what has made me write this letter to you.. and more that that.. what has given me such courage to give it to you.. and you reading this letter has taken a sack of burden.. of pain .. of desperation.. down.. off my heart..

its not a story of a day before.. or a week.. a month.. or a year.. its my life.. that started the day when i saw you.. it were you. smiling.. in the bright white frock that made you look like a princess.. which u r truly now.. and i have been the slave of this heart that treats you his queen now.

i know my words are wandering at different directions.. but all they want is to reach your heart..

I never knew when and how i fell in love with you.. may be i was supposed to.. may be it was destined.. but now i feel.. this is something that i always wanted to do.. to be in your love.. think of you..

i see you everywhere.. in each rose.. in the calm flame of the candle.. in the drops of rain.. such has been your love to me.. its been years and i see there is no escape to this.. but i was never before i was like this.. I fear.. if i lose you someday.. would i be able to survive..?

what if you can't be mine forever..? what if ...

i have erased all the questions from my life that hints your separation from me..

you are in my dreams.. my memories.. you and only you... my heart ponders for your love.. each beat says a single name.. "Jane". But still i dont know how to say to you.. that I love you..

whenever i see you.. my heart says me to hold you.. give you a hug.. keep you close to my heart. so that the hearts could talk.. with no words.. it wants me to come close to you.. so that you could see in my eyes that how much I love you..

days and nights are spent in your thoughts.. my eyes search your presence.. i want to make you mine.. cage you in my eyes.. so that i can look at you even though when they are closed.. also after i die..

complete my destiny.. give my life a meaning.. give me a reason to live.. reason to smile..

i still dont know what to say more.. but all i tried to say to you is.. "I love you.."

"

she was smiling and had tears in her eyes.. and then suddenly Russel came from behind.. and held her by her waist.. she turned around.. looked in his eyes.. and hugged him tight...

then after few seconds she asked him.."heard anything..?"

"what..? No.. but yes felt heaven.." he replied with his smile.. "let me try again.." and he hugged her again.. softly... feeling the love that brought them so close.. and then said.. "Oh yes.. i heard.. but tell me is that true..?"

Jane said.."Yes.. I love you.." and Russel completed it.."..and I always will..!"