~~~As Always~~~

This is in continuation to this story :

http://www.jasmit-arora.blogspot.in/2012/07/jasbir-and-shruti-have-been-living.html

Okay.. almost 2 yrs have passed.. I met this girl the next day.. I will say it took me so much time to write about her because I was too much occupied with her thoughts.. just like I am right now.. too late I know.. almost 5:00 AM.. but .. kya karein..?

I met her at Mc D. I was late.. when I sleep late.. I wake up late.. I rushed towards Mc D. She was there.. I could see from the glass door.. she was looking at her watch.. slowly putting her strands of hair behind her ears.. she slowly turned towards the door and found me standing outside blankly staring at her and observing her.. A smile erupted on her face.. but she did well to hide it and made a fake angry face.

I stepped inside. said "Hi." she said.. "I am leaving".. and I was like.. "What?? Why.?? Sorry..!! please..!!".. she smiled. I started breathing again.

then I kept listening to her.. i watched how her hands moved.. and then how she blinked her eyes.. how her fingers moved and played with her hair.. and then i heard her screaming.."hello.. mister.. your name..?" I dont know how many times she might have actually asked this question before I actually listened to her.. I said "Jasmit. Whats yours..?" 

Then I was again drinking her words. I saw.. she wore red nail polish. A blue shirt.. blue ear rings.. and the best smile. Her eyes.. deep brown.. and kohl all around them. Her dusky complexion made me tell her "you are very beautiful..".

she was probably saying something when I interrupted her with this blatant statement of mine.. she was like.. where did this come from.. I continued.. "I woke up late.. otherwise I planned to come with a ring.."

"Ring..?? OMG.. why..??"

"Why..?? Why should I bring a ring..??"

"Dont tell me you have actually brought the ring.."

"No.. I planned.. but I haven't.."

"Good you didn't.."

"Why..?"

"It would have been very difficult to say No.."

"Why would you say No..?"

"Chalo.. got to go.. already late"

I came with her to the auto stand.. found an auto.. and then as she said her last bye.. i motioned if we can hug she said.. "No". 

Okay.. thats okay.. ya thats okay.. 

I waved her good bye. I came back. I didn't know what to do. Its almost 2 years am still trying to figure out the hows, the whys. Anyway.. She says I am "Off Track" .. and I feel what happened .. happened as always..

P.S. : I feel.. whatever happened wasn't good..

~~~Over a cup of Tea~~~

Friday Night.. came from office, went inside my blanket and started my laptop.. thinking lets do something.. but as always doing something comes after checking out FB. Few notifications.. one of them today was a video shared by my brother with my name tagged and a smiley.

The video was a light and music show.. but what made me smile was the music. The music from a great pianist Yanni.

i saw the whole video after it paused for numerous buffer sessions and then liked it. I wanted to listen more of Yanni.. so i searched my laptop if I had other instrumentals.. but I couldnt find any.. so I searched through all the dvds of engineering time.. and then... that precious folder.. the music.

As it started playing.. i thought.. the companion i could have at this hour is a nice cup of hot tea.. with music in background and weird emotions in my heart.. i started preparing a cup of tea. I sat on the bed.. again inside the blanket.. eyes heavy.. a stern face ( i can imagine how i look like when i am feeling lost).

so i decided to relax.. closed my eyes.. and gave direction to my hands so that I could sip tea at regular intervals. I felt light. I had a long chat with someone today. the person is a person with a heart of diamond. i got to know how much issues a person has to face.. amount of struggle.. just to have 30% of their life spent the way they want.

Starting from parents.. we are asked to fulfill expectations.. everywhere.. everytime. After all.. we are their product. We act like an advertising board or sometimes like a newspaper for them. sometimes we are the trophies.. and sometimes we are a punishment. Listening to that person.. i could make out the pain.. troubles.. my heart cried for such behaviour.. Humans going so selfish.. rational thinking going for a toss.. 

Prann jaaye par shaan na jaaye.. Parents' expectations still stand firm. At the age of six.. be number 1 in class.. at age of 10.. be number one in class.. in class 10.. be number one in class.. after 12.. IIT.. then job.. at 27 .. marriage.. and 30.. kids.. then this and that.. with only one aim : we are thinking for you only. We are not your enemies. We want to see you happy living on our lines. 

Relatives : be in a job. We will brag about you. Not in a job? We dont know you and we hate your parents.

Friends.. at 4 PM .. cricket.. holiday.. at 8 AM : cricket. These days.. whatsapp. everyday. anytime.

Loved ones : no idea.

Then I kept on thinking as the third track mellowed my mind.. that why it has become so difficult to be in a job. Is it only me or is everyone going through the same set of emotions that I am undergoing these days.. I feel that each minute I spent in office.. I wasted it. I could have done a lot more meaningful with that one minute. Something larger with respect to my life. Adding respect to my life. Making it worth living. I feel that the purpose of life is far greater than surviving in this world. If we are in a comfortable position.. we should atleast try to make it comfortable for others too. 

Be it a son/daughter/father/mother/Grandfather/Grandmother/brother/sister/loved ones/friends/close ones/other/anyone.

Yes we are knit to each other with relations.. but we are mortals.. with separate aspirations. Why to impose one's thought over another person..? why to snatch that feeling of success that comes when you achieve it on your own.. and not when you are constantly guided and interrupted by someone else..? 

I am at crossroads.. where I cant decided about anything.. I am not sure of career.. I am not sure of any relationships.. I am not sure if what I am doing will keep me happy.. I am not sure if what I will do will keep the people happy whom I want to see live happily.. and most of all.. if I dont succeed in my life.. will I snatch a moment of happiness from their lives..? Do they deserve this..? I dont know.

ahh.. the songs are playing with my soul and I dont feel I am doing any justice by not paying my attention to it... Friday.. the best day of the week for some.. but for me.. just another night before next day's work.. 

yet I wonder.. I wrote so much.. just over a cup of tea.. :) my companion.     

~~~~ Noise ~~~

I came back from office.. around an hour back.. but I can still hear the loud horns.. the traffic guzzling through me.. I still have the sight of that excel sheet that I loathe.. best part is .. I am still breathing.

Years back when I was craving for technological stuffs.. I never knew I would hate my phone so much that I will throw it when it will ring when I would be sleeping... never did i think that I would start hating laptops after spending almost half a day with them..

Now .. I am listening to radio.. more ads than songs.. more noise than songs.. more screams than songs.. It was the year 2002 to 2004.. when I used to love each song I heard on television.. recorded some very good ones after saving some pocket-money that my Dadaji used to give to me... listening to songs and thinking about a single face.. stuck with the same page of R.D.Sharma and same cassette for 3 nights.. and that face for may be 300 lives..

Today while I was coming back .. it was raining.. and needless to say.. i travelled back while moving ahead.. i had a smile on my face.. my bike slowed to 20 KMPH.. my imaginations started framing the picture I forgot long time back .. but then.. this time the face was different.. i opened my eyes.. stopped my bike..put a hand on my chest and checked if I am alive.. the memories had taken a different face .. I came back home..

Someone insisted that I should write.. well.. seriously I never felt like writing after something happened last year.. but still.. I thought .. lets write.. so now I am having tea.. some snacks.. radio on the side.. doors opened.. cold breeze.. a heavy heart and moving fingers.. Loneliness sitting beside me staring at my laptop screen.. and then looking at me .. laughing and then merrying around the whole house.. I ignored her.. so she is sitting right in front of me now.. I tell her.. I will write.. she laughs.. then I tell her.. I will paint.. I will do photography.. she laughs again.. but then.. I cheat her.. and I sleep.. and sleeps ride beside me.. wakes up with me.. and be my shadow for the whole day.

I miss my Dadaji.. i could not cry.. but then.. I miss everyone.. I miss the peace I used to feel.. with friends.. with family.. with myself.. today when I dont even like to see myself... I have a person who says look upto life.. its beautiful.. just like her and we should be thankful to God.. and then there is another person who has given me strength to go for what I have built those castles of dreams.. pushes me to take another step towards what I want I wanted to do.. couldn't thank her enough too..

I miss my "Bullet".. i miss the streets of Kolkata.. miss the parameter of our college.. miss the ring road of Rourkela.. I feel that ache in my heart.. I dont feel love anymore.. being such a pessimistic person.. may be realization of happiness would come very late to me.. but then.. i fear the late could be too late.. there is no end to all this.. may be i should just concentrate on the current song.. and sleep... a cheerful blog.. next time.. pakka.. promise..

".. haii shor kare.. kitna bore kare.. bewajaah baaton pe.. aewaiin gaur kare.. .....
...........................................to...............baccha hai ji.."

~~~ The Kohl Effect ~~~

Jasbir and Shruti have been living happily ever since he proposed to her.. sometimes it's better to live in fiction than being in real..

I felt that there is no point in stretching stories.. characters are unreal.. story is all made up.. and sadness acts as a gravity which makes people fall for the things going around.

Its around 4:10 in the morning and I sit in my balcony with a glass of orange juice.. I feel the cool breeze flowing through my face.. yes it rained few hours back.. and the moon has spread its magic.. The “Royal Enfield” on my bullet is shining bright and blue.. and the leaves of the deodar trees in my house, give me a disturbed glimpse of big bright moon.

I might pick up my painting brush soon.. as I am not feeling sleepy at all.. its not that I haven’t tried.. but wasn’t successful in my tries.. I rolled on my bed for like thousand times.. almost woke up my brother sleeping next to me.. then went to the kitchen to prepare some tea.. this disturbed my mom.. so I switched off the light there and opened fridge for some juice.. and again .. it became the reason for waking up my Grand mother.. Anyhow.. she wanted to see the live prayers from the Golden Temple.. I could not bear these telecasts.. so I took this laptop and came out in verandah..

Its so peaceful here.. wi-fi is working fine… headphones sound best.. and heart beats fast..!

No.. I am not going into past now.. enough of it.. but I cant help but realize that present is no different from past.. I still don’t have anyone to talk to… someone whose messages I could check every morning I get up.. someone.. whom I could message with “<3” and “:-*” before sleeping .. someone who don’t screams at me.. speaks softly.. holds my hands when we meet.. and look deep into my eyes when we talk with her kohl laden eyes.. deep as abyss.. it always has been this way only… either losing someone.. or missing someone..

Ok.. lately.. I have been thinking of someone.. she has pretty good eyes.. great smile.. good brains and rest is best. But it has always been a war within me when it comes to confess what I feel.. well we met in a very strange way.. I was in a food court having something.. (must be KFC).. and then was thinking to have some more.. so I went back and stood in the queue.. this girl.. she was on the other side… not to mention I was staring at her.. she was dusky.. “:-D”

She looked at me and gave me a confused look.. but hardly she realized that I was more confused than her. She took her order and left.. I also picked my burger and came back to my seat.. there I saw her again.. I think she was with her friends.. and then I turned my chair.. my back facing her.. and I turned my head and tried to look at her from the corner of my eyes.. did that 30-40 times .. and after few minutes when I tried to look at her again.. I found she already left.. I was so chocked that I never realized that I dropped my burger too.. sprang out of the seat and literally started running in the food court.. couldn’t find her.. went to the washroom.. stood there for some 5 minutes.. but could not see her.. and then I saw her going down from the escalators..

I took the stairs.. and caught her in front of my eyes again.. she went to the parking.. I think to see off her friend.. and then she turned back… and screamed.. “Hey you..” .. I ignored her.. she yelled again.. “hey you.. black turban”… I had no choice.. I stopped walking.. turned back and looked at her.. and she said.. “I have been watching your drama since 2 hours..” I said.. “I..I… I… IIIII.. II..I… ahemm… I was just …”.. she said.. “Shut Up..!” “Right now I am in a hurry.. I need to go home.. lets meet tomorrow.. at McD.”..

I looked at her.. dumb .. numb.. she then crossed me.. tapped at my shoulder and left with a smile.. I turned at her slowly.. she looked back at me.. she had deep brown eyes.. pitched rightly between a field oh kohl.. a pretty smile and a heavenly way of waving her hands.. I don’t think I was breathing.. or living.. or whatever…

………………………. Oh.. it seems my Dadaji is up.. he just came to me and asked if I will have tea.. hmmmmmmm… its sunrise again…. I need to get ready.. I need to go and meet that girl today at McD.. I will ask her name.. what she does.. what is her favourite colour.. her hobbies.. her interests.. likes .. dislikes.. and tell her.. “I love you”.. I hope she does not laugh it off..

Painting I will do.. soon..

~~~Burnt to Smokes~~~

and I was sitting with nearly 200 people knowing only 4 of them in a dark hall and my eyes could see a movie being played in front of me.... but watching the memories of past.

scene after scene.. customized on fictitious character turned out real when the cry of heart screamed in songs.. tearing the hearts and eyes being unable to hold the pain of the years that I so wished to delete from my life.

Phase by phase her thoughts seek through the porous walls that I built around my life.. helplessly witnessing her mix with the leftover seconds I thought she left for me to live.. And then more .. some more of her was now my part...

her face came in front of my eyes... each time I saw her was the first time... I wanted to wipe that face of hers for that moment.. but then dint know what to do... that moment.. wanted to scream out her name.. but wasn't able to... the noise of my breaths hovered my voice...

attached with the thin string of the heart.. the dimension of helplessness.. as the knock on the doors that never opened... the noise.. once again... never stopped on my will.. the wind of thoughts pushed me away from you... the brunt of hatred.. burning me to smokes...

the language cryptic to my mind... made me to stare at you... caging to the moment of my life.. with no expectation from life.. to keep you or let you go... and then the beats increase... the sound of the speakers ... I need to beg you from you... and more.. and more time from your life.. the distance has a friction.. which are the flames... a puzzle of life.. you being the solution...

the steps when taken towards you... never tired.. the burst of tears.. witnessing myself to smokes.. P.S. ..... It is still there...

~~~Drops~~~

It was that part of the year when the rain has just started, the anxiety is on a lift and your heart beats faster than it generally does. Monsoon.

then Jai sitting at his usual place of the classroom,with tie up to his neck.. dressed in formals.. was blankly staring at the screen that was replaced with one slide after another.

his eyes stuck to the projector as he noticed variation in the projection light whenever the slide changed. then he looked towards the screen. Bright white screen for a split of the second ... and this activity was getting repeated for last 2 hrs..

just wehen the clock showed 11.. he looked at the Professor, who un-interestingly walked through the class giving a ten minute break.

As the crowd slowly vented off the class.. Jai slowly stood up.. turned towards the window and pulled aside the curtains. His eyes shone with happiness.. excitement.. joy...

It was raining..!

The drops of rain splattered at the window panes and slid off the glass making a trail and direction for other drops to follow... as he counted hundreds of drops followed the path that the first drop left behind... he smiled...

he smiled of innocence.. of purity .. of the child inside him.. of the pain and the sorrow.. as he went back to the past he thought he left behind years back..

It was the same kind of setup in the August of 2007 when the whole class left for the lunch. As he stood beside the window stretching his hand outside... feeling the rain falling on his palm... and his eyes closed.. And then when a swirl of air swayed droplets on his face.. he slowly opened his eyes... to find a girl.. getting drenched to her heart's content... dancing with the falling rain in the school uniform.

and when she looked up towards the sky... her eyes met with the most curious eyes in the way between.. she had ever seen..!! and looked into them for an eternity.

She immediately understood the unsaid words behind those pair of eyes.. feelings that connected hearts.. bond that last for a lifetime. They both stood still and gazed at each other's heart.. and then Jai started walking towards her..

he moved out of the classroom.. walked into the rain... towards his love... and when they .... .........

........

...............

.......... suddenly Jai's cell vibrated ... that made him come back to present... he checked his cell.. It was Nisha who messaged him.. he opened it .. it read.. "I love you.. miss you.. what are you doing..?"

to which he replied back.. "Its raining here..."

~~~Forever~~~

Previous part :- http://jasmit-arora.blogspot.com/2010/12/midnight-cup.html

The life of Jasbir has been a roller coaster ride since Shruti was once again the word on his lips.. the face on his heart and motive of his life.

he was seen smiling again.. the near and dear ones noticed a new charm in his behaviour and pulled his leg often. dark circles were gone.. as he reduced his working hours and started a routine of talking to Shruti over the night with his eyes closed. he felt he has taken birth again.. this time to be with with Shruti.. again.

It was sunday morning when his cell rang.. different ringtone. (For Shruti he had a different one) His boss called. He picked it up and answered .. "Yes boss.. .. now..? but I had different plans.. yes I knw its urgent..as always... yaa .. tomorrow off..? sure..? ok.. I will be there in an hour.. and boss.. thanks.."

he sprang out off the bed and rushed towards washroom. Got ready in minutes and dressed casually.. quickly wiped the dust off his bike.. kicked start it and started riding for office.. on sunday morning when his roommates were still snoring out the saturday night sleep.

he was all happy.. his boss promised him a Monday off for coming on that day.. Monday.. VALENTINE's DAY..!! he coudnt thank God much on that day..!

he happily passed over the day with earphones in his ears and listening to all romantic songs that he loaded in his cell phone last weekend.. and that were in repeat mode..
each good line of the song brought a smile on his face. Each song brought the face of Shruti in front of his eyes.. he would blindly stare the monitor.. and then after minutes he would blink and find himself in a different world.. that is without Shruti.. that would make him sad.. still the happiness in his heart kept him smiling..

as the work got over.. he mailed his boss and left the office.. Instead of lift he preferred stairs.. swiftly walking as he moved out of the office gate.. he felt the chill in air.. The clouds hovered around and gave a strong hint that they would rain...

as he was looking up he closed his eyes.. Shruti's face came instantly and impatiently he said.. "how much i love you.. " and then his cell started ringing..

It was Shruti who called.. he picked it up and she asked.."kii kar raye ho..? Kitthey ho..?" (What are you upto right now..? and where are you..? ).. to which he replied.. "Huney hii office to nikleya hana meri jaan.. ghar jaa reya c.." ("just came out of the office.. was on my way to home..")

"Office..? es waaste call ni kitta..? te Sunday nu kyuuuun..?"(Office..? thats y u dint call.. and why on Sunday..?)

"Kal di chhutti mil gayi hai.. kal shaami milde haan"..(got a day off tomorrow.. meet you in the evening..)..

and then he kicked start his bike and started moving on his way home..

Came the 14th of feb. his day.. the day he decided he would officially ask Shruti to be his Forever..

as the sun started to set down.. his feelings had a rise in his heart.. he was over whelmed with joy and excitement.. and courage binded them all with hopes of happiness that awaited him..

he pulled out the brightest white shirt he had in his wardrobe.. pulled out a fresh pair of jeans.. his musk perfume.. his Tag-Heuer.. and checked the credit card in his wallet..
then as he moved out of the home.. he looked up.. at the dark blue sky.. closed his eyes and remembered his Grandfather..

he knew God might be busy in hearing other concerns of people.. but his Grandfather was there only for him..

after few minutes.. he was there at the restaurant.. the table was already booked by Jasbir in the morning.. and he ordered coffee.. no.. tea.. no.. lemon tea.. no.. Lime soda.. no no.. yes.. Sweet Lime Soda.. as he killed minutes in wait of his love.. who arrived...

who arrived.. wearing a white evening gown and the most beautiful smile.. with the best eyes in the world that glitterd with happiness..

On seeing her Jasbir stood up.. and as she came near.. they were looking in each other's eyes.. they knew they dont had anything to say through words.. Jasbir took her face in his hands.. and slowly kissed her forehead and her eyes.. and then they hugged each other.. for the first time.. and this time Shruti said.. "I love you.." and the embrace grew stronger..

then when they released each other.. their eyes were wet.. they had rediscovered the love they had lost once, earlier in their life.. then Jasbir said..

"Shruti.. though I tried to tell you many a times that I love you.. somehow i always felt that you knew it already.. but today.. i believe I had to tell you this.. because you deserve to be loved.. and you should know that it is me who love you most in the world..

It is me who think about you each day and night.. each dusk and dawn.. each second and minute and each breath and blinks..

It is me who believes that I can love you till I exist.. that I can keep you happy till you are there.. and can make you forget each your pain..

and It is you.. who are the most beautiful one.. who resides in my heart where it beats.. whose face goes down with sun and rise with moon.. who makes my universe only as large as your eyes.. and its your name that is spelled out with my each breath..

Shruti.. I love you.. nad it is you who has made me to say this.. but please.. be mine.. forever.. say yes...!"

and as he stopped.. Shruti kissed him.. with tears flowing through.. and then mumbling with words she tried to say.. "i always tried to say Yes .. but i thought you always knew what was in my heart.. and..".. and tears started flowing like a stream of water.. and Jasbir wiped those tears and said slowly in her ears.. "This is the last time I am seeing you cry.. you deserve only smiles.." .. and she smiled while she cried.. and hugged him.. close to her heart.. with a promise to be with each other.. forever..

~~~Memories~~~

Jane.. she was a synonym of grace, beauty and affection to Russel.

every morning when he woke up.. he admired the beauty of Jane as she came fresh out of shower draped in her bath robe with water dripping her long locks with a smile on her face.. and as she came near him.. he used to look into her lovely eyes.. with all his love.. and then kissed them..

every morning he used to lie in Jane's laps.. playing with her cheeks ... and saying "I love you.." countless number of times.. because everytime he said this.. Jane used to blush.. pink.. her lips used to twitch between her teeth.. and then she wud smile..

There were days when both of them used to sit in front of each other and then looked at each other for hours and hours.. and tried to say something with their eyes.. and then note it down on a piece of paper.. to check if they cud communicate through eyes too..? and yes they cud..

it was their second year of their marriage.. and they had already travelled half of the world.. had been to most of the known places.. big statues, water falls.. mountains.. sea and desert.. and had some moments of theirs named to each place they visited.. they kissed and named each one the place where they were..

one day she found a letter that he wrote when he was just another kid living next door on the day before Valentine's day.. she smiled... and opened the letter... its been 8 years after that day.. that letter looked still very new.. very pure.. with thoughts, warmth and words of love by Russel..

it read..

"

I dont know.. yes.. i dont know what has made me write this letter to you.. and more that that.. what has given me such courage to give it to you.. and you reading this letter has taken a sack of burden.. of pain .. of desperation.. down.. off my heart..

its not a story of a day before.. or a week.. a month.. or a year.. its my life.. that started the day when i saw you.. it were you. smiling.. in the bright white frock that made you look like a princess.. which u r truly now.. and i have been the slave of this heart that treats you his queen now.

i know my words are wandering at different directions.. but all they want is to reach your heart..

I never knew when and how i fell in love with you.. may be i was supposed to.. may be it was destined.. but now i feel.. this is something that i always wanted to do.. to be in your love.. think of you..

i see you everywhere.. in each rose.. in the calm flame of the candle.. in the drops of rain.. such has been your love to me.. its been years and i see there is no escape to this.. but i was never before i was like this.. I fear.. if i lose you someday.. would i be able to survive..?

what if you can't be mine forever..? what if ...

i have erased all the questions from my life that hints your separation from me..

you are in my dreams.. my memories.. you and only you... my heart ponders for your love.. each beat says a single name.. "Jane". But still i dont know how to say to you.. that I love you..

whenever i see you.. my heart says me to hold you.. give you a hug.. keep you close to my heart. so that the hearts could talk.. with no words.. it wants me to come close to you.. so that you could see in my eyes that how much I love you..

days and nights are spent in your thoughts.. my eyes search your presence.. i want to make you mine.. cage you in my eyes.. so that i can look at you even though when they are closed.. also after i die..

complete my destiny.. give my life a meaning.. give me a reason to live.. reason to smile..

i still dont know what to say more.. but all i tried to say to you is.. "I love you.."

"

she was smiling and had tears in her eyes.. and then suddenly Russel came from behind.. and held her by her waist.. she turned around.. looked in his eyes.. and hugged him tight...

then after few seconds she asked him.."heard anything..?"

"what..? No.. but yes felt heaven.." he replied with his smile.. "let me try again.." and he hugged her again.. softly... feeling the love that brought them so close.. and then said.. "Oh yes.. i heard.. but tell me is that true..?"

Jane said.."Yes.. I love you.." and Russel completed it.."..and I always will..!"

~~~Midnight Cup~~~

Previous Post :- http://jasmit-arora.blogspot.com/2010/12/beginning.html

Jasbir was as usual late from his office.. he rang the door bell as he came..

his room mate.. who was on call with her girlfriend living two blocks away.. he came an opened the door.. winked at him.. and gave a fake kiss on fone to his girlfriend.. and then moved to his room.. normal scene that Jasbir was now used to..

his other room-mate was totally Skyped.. never ever he saw him talking without being in front of his laptop..

he looked at his watch.. it was Christmas today.. and found that almost everyone were connected to their gifts that Santa gave them years ago.. he went to both the rooms.. and said.. "Merry Christmas dude.." and both of them just waved at him.. with a smile.. but no one came and hugged him tight and say.. "Merry Christmas to u too bro.. cheer up.. life will change.. happiness is around somewhere.. :)"

he so much wanted to feel happiness again.. he thought.. Shruti might be very happy at her place.. as she never called him after she got married.. he also wanted to smile.. but felt no reason to do so..

he lied down on his bed.. closed his eyes..

the pictures of past started flashing.. school days.. with friends.. parties.. that night after 10 years.. the other morning.. and one common face in all.. Shruti's.. he suddenly rose.. and took out his pullover.. his gloves.. opened the door and went outside his home.. switched on his bike and started riding..

it was bone freezing cold outside.. and then started cursing himself.. and then headed towards the 24 hour cafe shop.. somewhere near the IT park of the city..

he parked his bike .. and went inside.. and then he saw.. whoa.. all tables occupied..

just when he was about to leave.. a couple stoop up to leave.. so a set of couch was now all vacant.. and he calmly placed himself on it..

he ordered a cafe latte for himself.. and suddenly saw a girl in Santa cap wearing red cotton jacket.. in sexy shorts and high boots.. pushed opened the door.. and shouted loudly.. "Merry Christmas people.. oh.. every one has got love with him.. good you.. " and then she tumbled on the floor..

she was totally drunk.. partying somewhere all night.. and then she thought to come and have a cafe.. to lighten up her mood.. after the breakup she had 2 hours ago.. in the disc.. where her now Mr. EX.. tried to do something something with her getting her drunk.. and she slapped him..

then he pushed her in some cab and asked the driver to drop her where ever she says..

this is not what Jasbir thought.. this was something that the girl said to him after she came to her senses..

oh yes.. she was on the floor..

as she fell down.. Jasbir rushed towards her.. and with the help of the staff.. picked her up and put her to the couch opposite to where he was sitting..

she opened her eyes after 5 minutes of feet and palm massage.. had some water.. and then Jasbir ordered a Mocha.. without sugar for the lady..

"u alright now..?" Jasbir asked her..

she just smiled.. pain was clearly reflecting in her eyes.. just when she was about to cry.. Jasbir took out his handkerchief and offered her.. and she shouted again.. "I am not crying..."

he laughed and kept it back.. "So.. what makes you so happy on this Christmas night..?..!"..

and then she said what I wrote above.. and on listening to this Jasbir tried to console her.. but then she broke down.. obviously she was on a high.. and that made her totally losing her sadness.. her pain.. that he calmly listened to..

by then her Mocha was served hot to her.. and she slowly started getting back to normal..

then they laughed.. shared some jokes.. and then she said .."your eyes tell that you are alone.. away from someone.. ur heart seems scattered and your smile curves dont reach ur eyes.."

"hmmm.. seems you closely observe people.."

"yes.. I do.. i like knowing people.. their feelings.. and hey.. tonight we share same.."..

Jasbir looked into her eyes.. they were beautiful.. then to her nose.. it was cute.. and her lips had the tenderness of rose and freshness of dew. then he looked at his watch.. it showed 5 A.M.

He then said..

"Wow.. thats a lovely view.." and she looked outside the glass walls of cafe.. it felt as if moon has got brighter for the moment.. light blue the morning was.. she was again smiling.. and with happiness in her voice she said.. "certainly it is.."

he said.. "I was talking about you..".. and she turned and looked at him..

"do you try your cheesy lines with everyone.. if yes.. then I wonder how you are single.." and she was smiling again..

he blushed.. and she caught him with pink cheeks.. "okay.. I give you another chance.. dont lose this one.."

to this Jasbir gave a deep thought.. and then said.. "had you been single.. I wud have never let you be.." and she immediately said.. "o yes i am single..".. and then she covered her mouth.. and this time he caught her shy of her words.. she tightly closed her eyes.. in disbelief to what she just said..

and then she felt her hands touched by Jasbir.. he held her hands.. and said "there is no hurry.. I understand the phase u r in.. its not even hours and i said something like that to you.. my mistake.. but u r so true.. so real.. so beautiful.. but yet as a dream to me.. u remind me of the feeling i used to feel once.. love.. and shared that with you.. forgive me if i am anyhow the reason .. for even the least bit of pain you have gone through..".. and then he took his hands back.. and asked the staff to come with the cheque.

he cleared the bill and stood up to leave.. she also stood up.. she was silent.. she came with him to the parking lot where he kept his bike.. and then said.. "can i have your number.. so that i can call you sometime when i have decided..?"

"yes sure.." he said and gave his number..

"do you mind dropping me home.. i live nearby only..".. and he agreed and rode to her place.. and then he looked in the mirror.. it was tilted a bit and clearly showed her face... and he saw her watching at the mirror.. their eyes told everything that was in their heart.. through the mirror..

and then they reached at her place.. "hmm.. you dont live too far from my place.. i live just few kilo meters away.." and he tried to smile.. but couldnt.. then he said.. " call me sometime.. I will wait.."..

and then he rode.. but suddenly he stopped.. took a U turn and came back.. she was still there..

he said.. "hey.. my name is Jasbir.. and yours..? Atleast I would like to know the name of the girl for whom I felt something.."

she smiled.. she knew whats her decision would going to be.. and she said.."Shruti.. my name is Shruti.. and I will call you soon.."..

listening to this his heart skipped beats.. the time seemed immovable .. and the moment froze..

he was looking into her eyes as her voice with her name echoed in his heart... she turned.. waved goodbye to him and went inside her home.. he also drove back to his place..

he went inside his room.. and lied on his bed.. and then his phone rang.. he picked it up.. "Hi its Shruti here.. ur Christmas friend.. and I would love to meet you again.. just to say you something.. because.. I think I love you.. will call you again.. " and she dropped the call..

he closed his eyes.. because the dream just began..

~~~ Beginning ~~~

Previous Post :- http://jasmit-arora.blogspot.com/2010/10/again.html

Shruti got married. Not to Jasbir..

It was a long painful time that she covered alone to subside the feelings she had for Jasbir.. she just could not let memories of her only love die in her heart.. she took up a busy routine after her marriage..

she started doing a job that required her at late hours of the day in the office.. it was because more she was with her husband.. more she felt herself responsible of breaking Jasbir's heart.. She knew Jasbir loved her.. only her.. It was her weakness that couldn't let them be together.

it was this one sunday when she woke up early morning and found her husband sitting on an arm chair with a diary in his hands.. in the verandah which was lit dim with yellow bulb.. she wore her pink satin robe and walked down to him and found him sleeping..

she took the diary from his hands... and then a dry petal of rose slipped from between the pages on her feet.. she picked that up and placed it back between some pages.. she never knew her husband wrote.. and what was this single petal of rose was doing inside is diary.??

some questions that needed a definite answer started arising.. and then she opened the diary to serach for answers..

she went back to her room and read that diary word by word.. line by line.. date by date and page by page. Then she turned to the page that still had the shine of the fresh ink that coloured the paper this night.. and in that he wrote "I still love her.. may be she would never know.. but now i dont even want her to.." and that was it. Todays thought was all summarized in two lines.

she now knew that the life is not always fair to all.. it doesnt only have colours black and white but also the shades of grey in it.

she had rarely spoken to her husband in these past few years.. but today felt a need to tell him that what he feel today for the past.. matters a lot if you are not happy..

she took a pen and wrote and wrote on that page till the last line. within minutes she saw she had written all what she needed to convey to him.. she went downstairs again and left the diary in his hands..

in the morning when he woke up.. he saw the diary.. he saw a fresh petal of rose was peeping between the pages.. and he opened it to that page where it was kept by Shruti after writing on the page where he left last night.

it read..

"A petal of flower is very soft when its a part of the bud. The deepest colour is reflected that time.. and as the time passes the smell takes over.. the petal blooms to the most beautiful shape.. making you gift it to someone you have fellings for.. I too was gifted with many.. by one..

but when you pluck the petal out from the flower.. it hardly lives any day longer.. its essence is lost.. one can only say that it was a part of some flower which is now with someone unknown..

i read everything written in these pages.. and found that there is nothing worse than a sad heart..

into a shell when you hide yourself.. you also remain unoticed.. just like I wasn't able to know you.. many others would have also lost the chance..

There was a time when me and him used to walk together in the winter nights with hands in hands.. we used to look in each others eyes and silently say "I love you".. and then when eyes get wide with the smile.. we knew that we will forever be together..

we spent magical nights and wonderful days.. we used to walk in rains but never ever we felt we were wet as we were already drenched with the love for each other.. we felt only death can now part us.. we felt the warmth of sun enlighting our life.. and calmness of moon holding our moments..

it was always a pleasure to be with someone you know who wants you and only you in his life.. and being away is million times the pain.. I always felt.. that just like a starnger he wud call me someday from somewhere.. and say to me "I love you" again.. but that has never happened.. because i have kept myself in a shell..

he is not here but i feel his presence everywhere.. his love has become the shadow of my heart.. and i know you are feeling the same way..

its not about the feelings we share.. its all about what we dont share.. and that keeps us far from the truth.. frm the person who might be good.. who might love me more than i thought..

so when you feel like there is something you want to say.. hold my hands.. look into my eyes and say it to me.. I will never say No.."

After he read this.. he was cold.. he slowly closed the diary.. opened the window and looked towards the blue sky.. closed his eyes.. thought for a moment and then went to the bedroom..

he took Shruti's hands in his' ...she slowly opened her eyes.. and looked towards him.. and then he asked her.. "Do feelings change..? do people change..? memories fade..? and someone to whom you have not talked for months.. if he wants to love you.. and kiss your pain away.. would you allow him to..?"

"yes.." she said and hugged him.. and they kissed their way to their new begining.. that fresh rose petal.. spread the aroma.. beautifully..

~~~STEP~~~

Vikash couldn't sleep last night. His parents had come to Delhi.. to see a girl for him..

Whole night he thought.. imagined how life could be.. an unknown girl.. complete strangers.. what wud he say to her.. what wud he ask?

he smoked his whole pack of Milds that night.. even had some whisky that his friend brought from Goa, but the anxiety wasn't less till now..

he sat at the couch staring outside his window.. with questions in his mind all over..

"Utho Vikash.. chalo taiyaar ho jaao.." (Get up Vikash.. get ready..) his dad told him tapping his hand.. "Did't you sleep last night..?? and whats this..?" his dad asked him showing the buds on the floor and the ash that dropped from the ciggi.. "Clean all this.. I dont want your mother to see all this.. and please grow up now..!! you are going to see a girl today.. act mature.."

Vikash hardly could hear or understand anything.. he looked lost.. he stared at the ground and then at his father's face.. he could see his father's lips moving.. but words couldn't reach his ears.. or brain .. may be because it was busy in questions rising since last night..

it was a deadlock occurred there.. he dint know what to do.. what will happen.. what was his father saying??.. "Oh God.. why dint you call me to heavens last night in my sleep only??" Vikash said to himself..

he went inside his washroom.. looked at the mirror.. stared in his own eyes.. and felt something strange..

a sense of confidence was rising in his eyes.. yes he wanted to get married.. yes he wanted someone in his life.. whom he could love..

only the thought of which girl..?? whom he has not seen ever in his life..?? again same questions hovered his thoughts...

he splashed cold water on his face.. his mind calmed down.. he came out.. and wore a simple white shirt with faded blue pair of jeans.. some perfume.. some gel in his hair.. the canvas he bought last month.. watch.. and was now out of his room.. had some cold water.. he called his friend who got married last year.. but he dint pick up his call.. tensed now.. he went to washroom again.. washed hands.. some water on eyes..

suddenly he went back to his room.. opened his almirah.. picked the wallet he forgot to take last time.. opened it and looked at the photograph.. his with his grand father's and wished he could have been here at this point of time.. he cud have hugged him and felt relaxed.. put his Parker pen in his pocket.. closed his eyes for a moment and left the house with his parents.. to meet the girl Roshni..

..........................

they reached the going-to-be Bride's home.. the father welcoming everyone with traditional Namaste and smile on his face..

Vikash saw few girls and found everyone beautiful and charming.. giggling with some actions.. and one of them constantly on her cell phone.. like a secret agent.. talking.. sorry.... whispering something .. that might have been uphill task for the other person to even hear properly..

everyone entered the house... Vikash was nervously looking around the room.. and then suddenly one more girl entered home.. shouting on cell phone.. "yes baba.. I am at home now.. now drop the call.." and on hearing this that secret agent put her cell back in her hand bag..

Vikash asked to himself.. that who was this another girl.. and the answer was she was Roshni.. in Pink Kurta embroided with pearls.. paired with blue denims and lot of colourful bangles..

"Hi Vikash.. Roshni here.. you have come here to talk to me... and I hope you know that we are supposed to agree on this relationship..! So..? Ready to get married..?".. saying this she forwarded her hand ... friendly gesture.. for a hand shake.

Vikash closely looked at her.. she looked beautiful.. never in his life he thought that he cud have such beautiful girl as his girl friend.. he blankly shook hands with her..

He looked at her face.. her face white as milk.. her eyes deep black.. her lips with the most sexy shade of pink colour on it.. small ear rings.. till that time his hands were still holding her hands.. and then he noticed the bangles she wore..

so many colours.. he touched them.. and then looked at Roshni... and asked.. "You love colours... dont you..?" .This was not the question that she was expecting.. she softly said "Yes.. why..? and how did you know..?"

Vikash just smiled and said.."You are wearing may be 100 colours at this moment.. at that point of time when I believe everybody is tensed.. about this relationship.. whether it will be a Yes or No.. but you are colourful from your heart.. from your soul.. I see joy and happiness in each of your words..

I dont know what to ask.. I dont know what to say.. but now I know that you are one such girl whom I can really marry.. I know that I want my life colourful.. I am tired of all Black and Whites.. and I want a companion like you.. to colour it in the most beautiful way.. my life.. "

hearing this Roshni was speechless.. she looked at her parents.. then Vikash's parents.. then she turned around as looked at her friends.. their jaws already dropped.. actually everyone went into a shocked state.. no one had ever seen such a quick arrange marriage's first meet turning into a Yes..

Vikash was still holding her hand.. she looked at Vikash.. his eyes read true.. she felt the sense of commitment in his eyes.. the one who will never ever leave her alone.. one who will love the way she is.. and the one who will always understand her like the way he was doing now..

she smiled... closed her eyes.. and said Yes..

~~~Meeting Up~~~

"Hey Dad.. m going.. will see u at dinner.." Amit screamed as he ran out of house..

His dad just replied.."OK.."

he picked up his bag.. and left out in hurry.. it was only an hour that he came back from London.. after 2 years..

as he went out.. he started running towards the cab stand.. where he could get the cab for the point he discussed with Saakshi.. to meet at.. when he wud be returning from London..

he got the cab and asked the driver to move as fast as he can for the sector-2 hill.. he couldn't wait.. he looked at his watch.. almost every minute.. "Fast.. fast dude fast..".. he shouted driver every minute..

and he looked at the big gate.. that just crossed by .. making him realize that the point is very much near...

he opened his bag.. and checked if the present is safe or not.. that he brought and thought of gifting it to her after they meet up..

he reached the point.. got down from the cab and asked the driver to leave while he cleared the fare..

he sat down on the large hump of hay in the bushes.. he looked around the place and felt as if he travelled back to time.. the picturesque view made him nostalgic as he went back to visualize the memories.. of Saakshi..

he remembered that day when he first saw her in the freshers party.. it was a dull afternoon.. he could not enjoy that day much.. all of his friends were busy with their girl friends.. and he was alone standing there with a glass of drink in hands listening to some uninteresting answers and facts spilled out by freshers in a desperate attempt to win the title..

he aaarrghhed at his fate.. and went out for another drink.. and saw one beautiful girl clad in a red-green silk saree.. he went near her.. and asked her name.. she looked at him as if he asked her whether she is single or not.. with a look of disgust and without answering she disappeared from the scene..

then as he turned back he saw a girl smiling.. who burst out out into laughter after seeing Amit's saddened face..

"Hi.. my name is Saakshi.. section B.. you are from section C right..?" she said to Amit..

"Hi.. Amit here.. yes from section C.. but I din't ask your name.. I asked her name.. and she went off.. she is also from section B .. isn't she..? ".. Amit answered back with his eyes still on the girl.. whose name he couldnt know..

"Hmmmm.. ya she is.. joined this year only.. her name is Payal.. but why are you so interested in her.. if she isnt..?" Saakshi asked..

"Well.. asking name means I am interested in her..?? Excuse me..!!"..

"Well.. Amit.. then why did not you ask my name..?"

"mmm.. because.. mmm.. may be I was too busy looking at her.. she looks damn beautiful.. oh my God.. what charm.. she's so sexy.. oops.. sorry.. Saakshi.. nice name yours is.."

"ha ha ha.. Amit.. you are a kid... come lets go inside.."

and they walked inside that boring hall again where some question answer round was going on.. for Amit it was getting intolerable .. he asked Saakshi if they can go some where else where he can feel peace..

in real he wanted to go to the place where his firends were.. though Saakshi was not her girlfriend, but on seeing Amit with a girl would definitely have given his friends an answer for the question they often put to him..

they came out of the hall.. and moved towards the parking stand..

"Saakshi.. can we go somewhere..? I am not liking this place and all.. somewhere peaceful.. park.. restaurant... anywhere but not here.. please.."

"hmmm.. okkk.. not to restaurant.. then I would order something.. and you will have to pay.. and i will not like that.. if you want to go some where peaceful.. I have a place that i can show you.."

"Cool .. lets go.." and Amit took out his bike and Saakshi sat behind her with her hand on his shoulder..

Inside his heart.. he already started liking Saakshi.. for her simplicity, for her way of dressing.. for her choice of colours.. for her smile.. for her deep black eyes.. for her velvety voice.. for her pink complexion.. for her frankness.. for she sitting behind him..

he rode to her directions.. and crossed many lanes.. many turns.. and finally they stopped near a small hill.. lush green grass every where.. small hump of hay between the bushes..

he stood still.. gazed around the sight.. and then looked at Saakhi.. who standing with her eyes closed.. feeling the wind that passed through her.. Amit found this moment extremely beautiful.. he held her hand.. she opened her eyes.. smiled and winked at Amit.."Like this place..?" and Amit nodded..

he came to present..

he looked at his hands.. he checked his cell phone again.. to check if she called.. then his watch.. and then got off the hay.. and started walking ..

from the distance he saw a girl coming.. whom he immediately recognized.. he stood still and watched her coming towards him..

"Wow.. Amit.. you look handsome.. ahaa.. London makes every one so cool haan..? so.. how you talk now..? wassup and all..?" and Saakshi laughed.. he too smiled..

he turned around.. and started walking to other direction.. opened his bag... took out a small box.. the thing that he brought from London.. just for Saakshi.. Saakshi was confused.. she followed him.. but before she neached near him.. Amit turned around again.. and went on his knees..

Saakshi stopped there only.. eyes wide open.. he raised his hands with a samll blue box in his right hand.. and then opened it with his left hand.. it had one diamond ring inside..

Saakshi covered her opened mouth.. she was about to scream.. tears were already in her eyes..

"Will you marry me?.. Saakshi..? and before you ask anything.. let me tell you everything.. I loved you since that day when we first came here.. since that day you are the only girl who have resided in my heart.. i wish to live with you since that day.. i wanted you to take in my arms that day only.. but God only knows why i dint do it that day only.. may be i dint had the courage.. but now i couldnt keep this thing to myself any more..

you remember you used to say.. there is someone who used to call you at midnight.. blank calls.. that someone was me.. I loved your voice at such midnight.. and you innocently saying hello hello.. hahaha.. and then i wrote my diary.. and after these many years i saw.. i had your name in every page of my entries.... I said to myself.. gosh.. i love her.. then i decided that I will confess my love for you the day I will come back to India.. to the place where we first went out..

aaarrrghh.. what am I saying.. hey Saakshi.. I love you.. Marry me.."

Saakshi stood there.. she listened everything.. now smiling and crying.. she forwarded her hand.. he put the ring on her finger.. stood up and gazed in her eyes.. and kissed her hands.. "Saakshi.. will you.."

and before he could complete his question again.. his lips were sealed with the kiss from Saakshi.. that went for a long time.. and after that Amit dint had anything to ask.. and they remembered the old time as they walked around the place.. with hands in hands.. and love for each other in their heart..

~~~AGAIN~~~

Previous Post :- http://jasmit-arora.blogspot.com/2010/08/on-that-night.html

It was early morning.. around 5 A.M. when Jasbir's cell started ringing.. It rang once.. then twice.. thrice.. but all calls went un-attended..
Shruti.. she never had to make so many calls.. Jasbir always respoded.. midnight sleep.. office meeting.. whatever be the situation.. Shruti always got an answer from him before she tried for 2nd time..

But today was something different.. almost like yesterday...

Last night when she called.. Jasbir threw the fone hard on the floor.. Shruti coundnt even complete what she wanted to say.."Jasbir.. I am sorry.. please listen to me.. I.."

Almost 30 hours .. and she couldnt sleep.. she desperately wanted to talk to Jasbir... who by no means was answering to her..She knew she was wrong.. she knew Jasbir loved him much more than she could ask anyone in her life.. but she never expected him to react in this manner.. not answering her call.. not calling her..

few months back.. Jasbir told her.."Shruti.. I love your voice.. the way you speak.. the way you call out my name..I love to listen each word of yours.. and.. I love to see your eyes when you speak.. they go so deep when u have heart in your words.. I love to see your lips.. when you speak.. and when they join.. I feel its me and you who are meeting each other.. in ur every word.."

but now.. he wouldnt talk to her.. wouldnt meet her.. he said her once.."The day i will get to know.. you wont be mine.. i will end my life.. there is no point in living.. like a dead man." and it was then the second time when Shruti slapped Jasbir.. after that he promised.. he would never do that..

she couldnt wait more.. she rushed towards Jasbir's home.. she reached there in about half an hour..

pushed the door bell.. and his grandfather came out.. she touched his Grand Pa's feet.. and asked about Jasbir.. and got the news that he dint come from office yet.. she tried calling him again.. but found that the mobile was ringing somewhere inside.. inside the house.. she very well knew the ringtone.. it wasnt changed since she had once set.. when one day they were sitting in the park... it was her favourite song.. that they both heard amlost 100 times that day.. with one earphone in each of their ear.. their heads and heart joined..

she rushed inside the house.. following where the sound came from.. she went inside the bedroom.. and found that he left the mobile at the home only... his Grand Father came from behind.. said to her.."O mobile ghar te chhadd gaya.. main almaari wich rakh dittaa.. kii gal ho gayi..? enni subaah..?" (he left mobil at the home only.. i kept it in almirah.. but what happened..? early morning..)..

Shruti.. she had now tears in her eyes.. she hugged his Grand Pa... and cried her heart out.. she told everything.. that happened just 2 days back.."Dadaji.. you might not be knowing.. my father has arranged my marriage to a guy of our community.. my sister.. she did love marriage few months back.. but now she is going through a very tough phase.. she is getting divorced.. my father was very worried.. and without asking me.. fixed my marriage to his friend's son.. i dont like him at all.. I love Jas.. I got him back after 10 years.. that night when i saw him.. I felt I got my life back.. I have lost him once... I dont want to lose him again..

dadaji.. we met 2 days back.. I said everything to him.. he asked me to run away with him.. he said he could not live without me.. I said.. this cant be done.. just for my own sake of happiness.. I cant ruin my parent's lives.. your family reputation will also be at stake.. they will lose the confidence of living happily.. walking their heads up.. shame is not the gift that we are ought to return for their love towards us.. after that we never talked.. its been 2 days.. he has not called.. he is not picking my call since yesterday.."

Dadaji consoled her.. patted her back.. and asked her to calm down.. gave her a cup of tea.. and asked her to wait till he arrives.. they can then clear everything.. that is stuck between them.. and asked her to pray to God.. HE will help..

then after few minutes.. Shruti's cell started ringing.. his dad called.. definitely.. finding his daughter missing .. he would be worried.. she picked up the call.. "Shruti.. where are you..? Come home.." He said only this much.. and dropped the call..

she touched Jasbir's Grand Pa's feet again.. and asked for his blessings.. and left for her home..
as she went inside.. she saw Jasbir in her room.. looking at the pictures Shruti had framed in her room.. on her table.. one of them where when they were at the beachside.. hands in hands and beautiful sunset in the background..

her dad followed her in the room.. "Jasbir came so early in the morning.. looking for you.. and you wre not here.. this is not good.. I am telling this for the last time.. stop all this now.." and he left the room murmuring something..

Shruti's eyes were all wet.. the kohl had totally disppeared.. making black streaks on her cheeks.. she was still crying.. and crying she went on knees.. her face covered in her hands.. she was hurt.. she couldnot marry the guy she loved most.. her father wont let her..

Jasbir went to pick her.. wiped her tears.. and made her sit on the bed.. and gave her some water..

"I've talked to your Papa.. I have said him that we will not do any such thing that will put a shadow of shame on their lives.. I just came to say this to you.. I couldnt sleep since 2 days.. everytime when you called.. I thought what to say..? I had nothing left in my life.. after I came to know that you wont be... " and he stammered.. he recollected his words.. stopped his heart from crying.. and continued.. "I will live the way I have lived past 10 years.. with you in my heart... without you in front of my eyes.. but I want you to be happy.. happy for your parents.. for your life.."

Shruti was still crying.. she couldnot stop.. her whole body ached.. tears were all dried up.. crying she clutched Jasbir's hand.. and said "sorry..".. Jasbir had a long look of her face.. and he left..

~~~RIDE~~~

As a hard day finished at the work for Ravi.. he prepares himself for leaving the office.. excited about the following holidays.. an extended weekend..

but to make sure he dont have to land up office again.. he worked till 4:00 A.M. .. pending work has now the status Completed.. laid back on his chair..hands behind his head he closed his eyes to feel the satisfaction.. happiness converted as a smile on his lips.. he slowly stood up.. took the bag in his hand and moved towards the basement parking where his bike was parked..

he opened his bag for the keys.. but keys fell down from his pocket.. confused.. he smiled at his stupidity.. picked up the keys.. switched on the ignition of his bike.. and kicked..

suddenly the light of the basement went off.. it was total dark there.. so he put the headlights on.. but then generator started roaring.. and light was all there..

he moved out of the building.. guard bidding "good night sir.."

it was pretty rush at that hour of the day.. call centres timing were little late in the day.. but as he moved forward.. he found before he used horn.. every one cleared the way.. cars, trucks, cycles.. pedestrians..

it was not a usual sight for him.. he felt special.. he was still very happy that he completed his work.. and now has 3 days to enjoy..

and while driving.. he moved with the turn to catch the highway... after a distance.. he found someone from behind was using dimmers .. might be.. needed to overtake him..

he tried to adjust his rear view mirror.. but found that the vehicle stopped.. so dint bother and continued driving..

few Kms ahead.. he passed a troup of banjaras.. and as he moved forward.. crossed a guy.. who on seeing Ravi.. shouted "Saaahab Jii..." .. loud enough to make Ravi stop.. he turned his bike.. and moved back to him.. but to his surprise.. he found that guy standing still.. he dint move... talk.. he stood with his eyes wide open.. and suddenly those eyes started burning..

buring.. with red flames..

Ravi was horrified.. he threw the bike.. and started running.. without even looking back.. but then thought that going on bike would take him out of the place much faster way..

so he stopped and turned back.. but then when he saw something that he could not believe on earth would have been possible.. bike was floating in the air.. and was slowly moving towards him..

he saw that the man.. with burning eyes was now almost like a stone statue..

the bike came in front of him... and ignition headlight everything went on in a split of a second.. bike came much closer to him now.. and then.. he felt someone's breath on him.. heavy breaths.. and from the invisible he found a face of a woman appearing to him.. who seemed to be sitting at the back of his bike.. her eyes were red..

she wore a black gown.. hairs straign down to her waist.. she seemed to float an inch above the pillion.. very similar to the way as bike was to the ground..

she looked at Ravi and smiled.. who was standing there as a piece of shit and wished someone could clear him from this sight..

she walked in the air and came to him.. hold his face.. which was already blue after watching all this.. his eyes matching the colour of his face couldnt bear more.. so he closed his eyes.. and then he suddenly felt as if something passed through him.. through his body..

the woman was trying to hug him.. but couldnt.. she get passed through Ravi everytime she tried.. Ravi stood there silently.. she then again smiled.. and stared in his eyes..

this time he dint close and stared directly in her eyes.. she started crying..

Ravi felt somethinng different.. he saw himself into a dark world.. it was dark everywhere.. nothing he could see except this dark lady.. but then he realized he was in the air.. much much above the surface he used to walk on..

he couldnt understand what was happening to him.. and suddenly he started seeing spirits all around him.. women... beautiful women.. with red eyes.. all trying to touch him.. but could do nothing and passed through him..

he felt as if this was his last day (or night may be..).. but then the woman who was with her all the time.. pushed all spirits away.. and pushed Ravi to the ground..

ravi touched the ground.. and started running again.. towards his bike.. and found that woman again.. she flew towards him.. tried to kiss his forehead.. this time her tears fell on Ravi's eyes.. and with the first ray of the sun.. she vanished..

................

after the holidays.. he was again travelling through the same road..

he found that the ride is something different again.. he saw below.. he was floating in the air..

he smiled..

he looked in his rear-view mirror.. found nothing.. but 2 red eyes gleaming in the darkness of night..

he left his handle.. and tried to hold the hand that tried to hold his shoulder.. and felt divine..

~~~Words~~~

Wednesday.. some day of August.. a month when sky is mostly covered in grey.. had some deep impact on Dev's life.

A life that had lost all the meanings for being happy.. Dev looked as if married sorrow and taken 7 births of promise.. though he wished that this could be his last birth..

17 years of age and so much pain.. this is not natural for a young boy who goes to school.. rides during rains.. plays during summers.. parties at evenings and somehow manages to pass in English during the terms..

this guy.. Dev doesn't deserve such a low life.. that too specially when he had the most beautiful day of his life just 2 days back.. on Sunday.. the first Sunday of August that world popularly call as Friendship day..

Dev, Arun, Vikram, Ashish, Naina and Gul.. friends as I knew them.. had some very different story behind each of them.

This special Sunday was planned out very perfectly by Dev. He managed 2 roses ( for the girls ), 1 Card and some amount of money for the fuel and dinner party from his Rs.50 monthly pocket money, that he saved since 4 months.. just make this one sunday special..

it was evening.. and his heart had already started racing fast.. he had called up 5 people at his place.. and was waiting for them.. and then Gul and Naina arrived (they used to go together only, when it came to visiting friends.. who felt insecured.. nobody knew..) and after few more minutes rest 3..

vikram knew very well what Dev's heart was going through .. he was the one who pushed Dev to talk to Naina... whom Dev loved staright from his soul.

dev look into Vikram's eyes.. impatience and worry clearly reflected.. but Vikram patted his thigh.. suggesting to cool down.. Dev tried to smile.. be a good host for the evening.. but could hardly speak.. his voice has certain numbness attached to it.. and gravity of his feelings pulled him down..

he constantly looked at Naina.. the girl of dev's life.. thoughts.. dreams.. future.. present..

Naina.. big eyes.. dusky complexion.. shoulder length hair.. divine smile and voice of dev's heart.. Naina.

Salwar kameez.. somewaht like skin colored with some Peach colour embroidery.. she looked Goddess to Dev.. who could hardly keep his eyes off her.. Naina kept noticing this but only smiled.. and everytime she smiled.. Dev heart stopped for that moment.. just to slow down the time.. and cage that moment for longer period...

6 people.. 3 bikes.. dev asked naina to come with him.. and she smilingly agreed..

what about the rest 4..? I dont know..

It was drizzling when they stepped out of Dev's home.. but decided to reach the restaurant as soon as posible.. for the dinner that was planned weeks before.. as the 2 bikes left.. dev suddenly wend inside the house.. and came back with a rose..

"Naina.. mmm... Happy Friendship Day to you.." and Naina blushed.. Pink overtook the sensous dark tone of her.. and Dev felt divinity during all these moments..

while they started for the restaurant.. the drizzles were now big drops of water.. falling hard on them.. It was sure that the rest 4 of them would have definitely been at the place and reserved the table.. so Dev slowed down his bike.. Naina clutching his shoulder felt relaxed.. and Dev drove the speed at which even running person could overtake..

He adjusted his rear view mirror to look at naina.. he cud see pearl drops of water on her face.. eyelids.. lips.. with she smilingly looking at the mirror..

they were talking through eyes and listening through hearts..

After they reached the venue.. they saw all 4 of them standing outside..

Dev asked them to go inside.. and order some snacks and coffee.. and as Naina started to walk with them.. he hold her hand..

Vikram took everyone inside as dev said.. and asked dev and naina to dry up and then step in..

Dev took out the handkerchief and gave to naina.. she wiped herself up.. thanked Dev and returned the Handkerchief..

Dev folded that piece of cloth and put that back in his pocket... and then he took out the card he bought.. and gave it to Naina..

Naina was surprised.. she was not expecting this..may be she was.. she had smile on her face but worry in her eyes.. some question.. why.. what.. me..? why..?

"please read it.." Dev could only say this much...

naina opened the card.. and read.. till the end.. folded it and put it back in her handbag.. and walked inside..

After that whole evening she never met eyes with Dev.. who looked nowhere else but her face.. that denied to show any smile later that eveving.. she finished her dinner and left with Gul soon..

Dev...!! His sleep vanished.. his dreams broken.. His present ached his heart and he wished he had no future.. no life.. He died every second..

Monday.. Naina dint come to school.. He tried calling her.. but she wont answer his calls.. he cried whole night..

Tuesday.. Naina came to school.. but refused to talk to Dev... he stood outside her class during whole recess. she dint step out of the class.. dev was awake whole night.. without any life in him..

Wednesday.. some day of August.. Today..

Dev dint go to school.. remained on his bed whole day.. refused all his meals and snacks... all the friends coming and going.. he dint talk much.. Vikram asked him to relax and then again a bell rang.. his Grandfather came and told him that some girl has come to visit him..

Dev went out and sprang back to life on seeing Naina.. he almost cried.. but hold back his tears..

"You dint come to school today..?" Naina asked Dev who was smiling ear to ear..

"I had no purpose coming there.. you woudnt talk to me.."

"I was searching for you today.. i need to ask you something.. and i want you to answer truthfully.." Saying this Naina took out the card Dev gave him on Sunday.. "i want you to read it.."

"read it..?.. but why.."

"because i want you to.. .. see Dev.. i too like you very much.. you know that.. dont you..? I dont want any thing hidden between two of us.. everything to be transparent.."

And suddenly the light went off.. 7:00 P.M. Load shedding..

a moment of silence and then Dev started saying..

"Dear Naina..

Its not about how you look.. how you talk or how you walk.. its all about how you make me feel..

It has been weeks since i realized that i cannot do with my life without you..

This might sound strange to you but i cant believe any thing could be more beautiful than you.. more heavenly than your company.. every day when i see you smile.. i fell for you.. everyday u make me know the wonderful meaning of love.

Youe are the perfect meaning of happiness to me..

I fear of the moment when you will go away from me.. I think i might forget breathing that day..

Naina.. i want to be with you all my life.. I want to die holding your hands only.. seeing into your eyes..

something has changed my meaning of life.. that "something" is your love Naina..

i dont know whether you love me or not.. but i totally believe.. i wont be able to love anyone now.. after knowing you.."

Naina was shocked.. Dev said each and every word exactly he wrote on the card.. she then hold his hand and kissed him..

dev was taller than her.. so she stood on Dev's feet.. Dev hold her to her waist.. and they kissed again..

After few moments when they opened their eyes.. they were wet.. with the happiness that drenched them few moments back..

~~~SOMETHING~~~

"Oh dear GOD..!!".. Varun looked towards the sky and screamed.. " I love this... I absolutely love this.. Thanks buddy.." and gave a thumbs up to infinity..

"It has started raining...".. Priya came shouting from behind.. she ran beside Varun.. went few steps ahead , took an umbrella out of her expensive but not-so-expensive looking bag.. a small umbrella.. with 3 folds technique that sprangs with a touch on a button.

Soon she was under an umbrella and Varun watching her.. all smilingly.. he adjusted his leather overcoat and went near her..

"h..h..h..hey.." Varun stammered his first words to Priya.. he cursed himself neatly and clearly in his heart.. "i..i..i.. it's raining.. y..y..you mind if i share this umbrella..?".. he said.

Varun was very good at this.. talking to a person and to himself.. at the same moment..

"haan..?... ok.. but i will move left from the next turn.." priya said and pulling varun under the umbrella..

Priya was a nice girl.. beautiful.. Big blue eyes.. rendered with Kohl... smile big as anyone's heart.. voice smooth enuff to melt you down..

worked in same company as Varun's.. different projects though.. but sat few cubicles away.. shared glances once or twice.. thrice maybe.. few smiles.. and that was enuff for Varun to lose himself for her.. Varun loved to fall in love.. he was never afraid doing so.. he was the person who thought one person shud always be in love.. he had loved many women in his life... as he used to say.. 1 for each year is his average count of falling in love.. but this time he thought Priya was the only girl he was searching for (he thinks same for every girl he falls in love... quite a falling person..)

"Left..? Ok.. i also need to go left.." Varun said..

"But you go there naa..??" Priya said showing the right turn..

"but i need to go there today.. some work.." varun this time.. showing left..

"ok.." she smiled and started walking.. Varun accompanied.

"Its raining so heavy na...? my bag.. " priya said clutching her bag to protect it from any drop of water that fell near it.. there was a kind of sorrow in her voice.. varun felt as if she wud break down to tears.. he almost smiled on her innocence.. "hey u laughing haan..??".. and she punched him..

"No.. no.. mmmm.. dont worry.. nothing will happen to ur bag.." varun said laughing..

"Priya.. I need to say you something.." he just saved himself from stammering again..

"Yes.. say.." Priya responded .. without looking at him.. walking slowly now..

"Priya.. do you know.. there is a guy in our office.. who thinks that you are very beautiful.."

"is it wrong..? am i not beautiful..? haan..?"

"no.. you definitely are.. but does that mean you will say him No if he asks you for a coffee..?"

"whats wrong in a coffee..?.. why he thinks so..?"

"i dont know.. may be he thinks such a beautiful girl when seen with an ordinary guy.. u know.."

"no.. no.. that is not the case.. i m not at all like that.. i dont mind in friendship.. u know.."

"hmmm.. may be i will tell him to ask you out for a coffee.."

"yes tell him.. but not on weekend haan.. i have to stay at home then.."

"ok.. ok.."

"what else he says about me..? have i ever seen him..?.. "

"he thinks you are very beautiful.."

"ohhhooo .. that i have heard.. what else he says.."

"he thinks you are too sophisticated kind of girl.. you know.. not that approachable.. one who can slap anytime.."

"he really thinks so..? mumma... i never slap anyone..! why would i..?"

"yaa.. why wud you.. but i think you might.."

"why..??" Priya shouted.. so loud that Varun heart stopped for a moment.. then a gush of air.. blood and guts flowing thruu it..

"i think he loves you.."

"what..? is that true..?? he told you..? or you only think.."

"i think i know.."

"hmmmm... should i go out with him then..?. it wont be good na.."

"you can try once.. he might be saying true.. you can judge.."

"hmmmm.... varun.. if he proposes me..? i dont know what to do.. u know.. no one has ever proposed me yet.. may be everyone thinks same about me.. but believe me.. i m not like that.. i have never been into any relationship.. i dont know how to handle all this.."

"dont worry.. he is a very good person.. he will love you very much.. take good care of you.. will give you each happiness you deserve.. you know he loves your eyes so much that he cant see tears in them.. and most of all he loves your smile.. he says it bridges your eyes through your cute nose.."

"aawww.. he is so cute.. hey varun tell me na.. what else he says abt me..?"

"he says .. you look like lily everytime.. fresh.. white.. pure.. he feels he is breathing.. only to see you smile.."

"really.. he loves me so much..? but why hasn't he said anything to me..?"

"as i told you.. he thinks you deserve much better than him.."

"okk... let him decide n tell".. Priya said and suddenly stopped near the coffee shop.. the one close to their office..

"what happened..? coffee..?" Varun was surprised..

"yes.. you wanna join..?"

"hmmm.. okk.." Varun thought himself to be the luckiest guy.. he never thought he wud be having coffee with the most beautiful girl of the left wing of the 3rd Floor of the building.. he was again talking to himself..

Inside he saw Saurabh sitting .. with some book in his hands.. sipping cafe mocha..

he was surprised to find saurabh here...

"varun.. he is saurabh.. he asked me for coffee in the office.. and see i am late now.. you are very bad.. Saurabh sorry haan.. varun was talking so much that i walked slow to listen.. and now i am late.." priya said folding her umbrella three times again..

"hey Varun..!!! hi man.. how are you..?.. dude.. i finally asked her out.. you wont believe.. she so easily said yes.. i thought she never would... i would have definitely died there only had she said NO.."

"Saurabh.. dont worry yaar.. she is not the kind of girl you think.."

"but you know how much.."

"yaa yaa.." varun interuppted as saurabh tried to explain again how much he loved priya..

"VARUUNN.. u dint tell me earlier.. that guy was Saurabh..?.." Priya.. who was listening to these guys for so long was finally in senses... "Saurabh.. is it true..?"

"yes Priya.. i love you.. i dont know what Varun has said to you.. but.. i love you.. I have no measures how much.. how deep.. how wide.. take it as deep like your eyes.. wide as your smile.. pure as you yourself.. and.."

priya suddenly started crying.. .. "saurabh.. please.. dont .. "

"what..?.. dont what..?" saurabh looking srprised.. looked at Varun.. who was already standing there clueless.. staring at everything as if someone mocked his heart again.. all he could see that his one more love is not his own again.. it was not the first time .. :)

"dont stop saying..".. priya continued.. ".. i want to hear whatever you have to say.. you know na.. i have never heard anything like that.. "

"Priya.. my words cannot define my love for you.. but beleive me.. i love you.. and i promise you.. this is the last time you are crying when you are with me.." This made priya smile eye-2-eye..

Varun came out of the cafe.. alone.. it had stopped raining.. he looked again at the sky.. shook his head.. and started walking to the right... talking... to himself obviously..