The video was a light and music show.. but what made me smile was the music. The music from a great pianist Yanni.
i saw the whole video after it paused for numerous buffer sessions and then liked it. I wanted to listen more of Yanni.. so i searched my laptop if I had other instrumentals.. but I couldnt find any.. so I searched through all the dvds of engineering time.. and then... that precious folder.. the music.
As it started playing.. i thought.. the companion i could have at this hour is a nice cup of hot tea.. with music in background and weird emotions in my heart.. i started preparing a cup of tea. I sat on the bed.. again inside the blanket.. eyes heavy.. a stern face ( i can imagine how i look like when i am feeling lost).
so i decided to relax.. closed my eyes.. and gave direction to my hands so that I could sip tea at regular intervals. I felt light. I had a long chat with someone today. the person is a person with a heart of diamond. i got to know how much issues a person has to face.. amount of struggle.. just to have 30% of their life spent the way they want.
Starting from parents.. we are asked to fulfill expectations.. everywhere.. everytime. After all.. we are their product. We act like an advertising board or sometimes like a newspaper for them. sometimes we are the trophies.. and sometimes we are a punishment. Listening to that person.. i could make out the pain.. troubles.. my heart cried for such behaviour.. Humans going so selfish.. rational thinking going for a toss..
Prann jaaye par shaan na jaaye.. Parents' expectations still stand firm. At the age of six.. be number 1 in class.. at age of 10.. be number one in class.. in class 10.. be number one in class.. after 12.. IIT.. then job.. at 27 .. marriage.. and 30.. kids.. then this and that.. with only one aim : we are thinking for you only. We are not your enemies. We want to see you happy living on our lines.
Relatives : be in a job. We will brag about you. Not in a job? We dont know you and we hate your parents.
Friends.. at 4 PM .. cricket.. holiday.. at 8 AM : cricket. These days.. whatsapp. everyday. anytime.
Loved ones : no idea.
Then I kept on thinking as the third track mellowed my mind.. that why it has become so difficult to be in a job. Is it only me or is everyone going through the same set of emotions that I am undergoing these days.. I feel that each minute I spent in office.. I wasted it. I could have done a lot more meaningful with that one minute. Something larger with respect to my life. Adding respect to my life. Making it worth living. I feel that the purpose of life is far greater than surviving in this world. If we are in a comfortable position.. we should atleast try to make it comfortable for others too.
Be it a son/daughter/father/mother/Grandfather/Grandmother/brother/sister/loved ones/friends/close ones/other/anyone.
Yes we are knit to each other with relations.. but we are mortals.. with separate aspirations. Why to impose one's thought over another person..? why to snatch that feeling of success that comes when you achieve it on your own.. and not when you are constantly guided and interrupted by someone else..?
I am at crossroads.. where I cant decided about anything.. I am not sure of career.. I am not sure of any relationships.. I am not sure if what I am doing will keep me happy.. I am not sure if what I will do will keep the people happy whom I want to see live happily.. and most of all.. if I dont succeed in my life.. will I snatch a moment of happiness from their lives..? Do they deserve this..? I dont know.
ahh.. the songs are playing with my soul and I dont feel I am doing any justice by not paying my attention to it... Friday.. the best day of the week for some.. but for me.. just another night before next day's work..
yet I wonder.. I wrote so much.. just over a cup of tea.. :) my companion.
