Speeding Through...

Travel.. the synonym of life.. a journey that only u have to travel.. a path whose destination no one knows.. the turns are hidden.. the curves are curvaceous than expected.. the milestones situated at various points that only u need to cover..

my present journey is lifeless.. soulless. i dont see any milestones around.. i cant see any turns..

suddenly what i feel like is.. a point of time speeding through me.. taking me back into past carries me with itself and rush through the future.. passing exactly from the point where i m standing now.. and i can see myself standing stoned at a point since the age when i thought i can do wonders.. when i thought the time will kneel below me.. when i thought i will prove my existence..

the time carries me on its lap and runs fast..and shows me what i have achieved till present.. makes me realize how i have been through all these phases.. and what i m doing now.. is that what i am supposed to do..? and then swiftly takes a turn and takes me through a dark tunnel.. with bumps and thorns in paths..

i was scared.. i was moved.. i m not used to such pain.. i have never been through all these paths before.. i wanted to stop.. take a pause from that horrifying scene.. but the lights formed like a lightening over me.. the dark path was now showing me an end that was as brightened as the diamond's corner cut.. sparkling and shining..

and then i stop and found myself at a place.. stale.. silent.. motionless.

i realize what i saw.. been to past.. saw myself in the present and moved to future in a whisker.. realized that the aim i want to conquer is a path of darkness that has all the shine in the end.. the fame and ecstasy accompanied with acclaim and recognition is not an easy way.. but the effort u give in to cover that path... will ultimately brighten up.. the way that one wud hv never thought of..

i learned the lesson.. i want to move.. i hv all courage now to face the flips and flops of life.. but the way time is speeding through me.. i just fear of moving so fast.. that if i leave my soul behind.. would i ever be able to collect it back..? 'cuz the journey is only one way...!!

Answers of Expectations...

its 1:40 A.M. displaying on the screen right now and m not able to sleep.. something is disturbing me... and i dont know why i am writing this.. may be something's running in back of my mind that will actually come off later..

right now.. ravi is drowned and is searching some code that the great late da Vinci left for Mr. dan brown to write and ravi to read.. and saurabh trying to sleep behind me... but maybe the screen light is affecting him.. and he expects me to shut down the system soon..

expectations... hopes.. aspirations.. dreams... and LIFE..!! all these words are so interrelated that one actually forgets the fact of life.. the gift gifted.. to be HAPPY..

who doesnt expects..?? me u or they..? everyone grows up wid some expectations.. some dreams that he hopes to get fulfilled wid time.. but it solely depends on people to whom u expect.. every expectation is a question.. that has an answer..

a wise person said.."people who expect more.. loose more cause they rely on others for the deed to be done..".. now this person was called wise cause these words actually reflected truth n wisdom. all this arise due to relationships.. root cause being affection, trust and belief.

the gifts of affection gets returned by covers of expectations.. the rudeness of friends gets reflected with the breaking of expectations.. some smiles are favored and bonding create in the fair of expectations.. people all around with empty hearts fill in expectations.. of love.. of success.. of favors.. of happiness.

i have seen humans living in expectations of aims.. just to lead their lives.. dependent on some one to help them.. cruise through the ocean of fire.. carve a path.. that destines to salvation..
and i exist in the same ocean.. just as a drop.. having little to get affected but a lot to fulfill someone else's Expectations...

i get hurt when m not full on some one's thoughts.. when m not the figure the way they crafted about me.. when i am a failure when some one is riding on me and my success.. i am a simple man.. who only knows.. neither to expect.. nor to get to know about others expectations from you..

lead a simple and free life.. its a single birth.. live on ur terms.. cause answers of expectations wont be always sweet..

Thinking Reasons..

Thinking.. an action that makes your mind work.. shows u a direction.. gives the opinion about right and wrong.. and helps u taking up the decision that u follow afterwards..

i was a simple man.. with simple beliefs and thoughts.. with clear mind and pure heart n soul.. i always thought every person is alike.. talks the same way, walks the same way and lead a similar kind of life. i believe thats how u think when you are too young..

but slowly u grow up... u see changes and u think why are they happening..? u question your friends.. parents or ur near and dear ones.. u try to figure out the reasons behind the changes.. sometimes you succeed but sometimes u move on in life without getting an appropriate answer..

in the very same manner i grew up.. met a lot of people in life.. have been a good friend to many.. never back stabbed anyone.. and always tried no one gets hurt because of me.. many questions rose at various destinations of life whose answers m still searching..

situations and people.. show you some reality in life.. so they did in my life too.. came across a number of people.. read many minds.. hv been a part of many a lives.. and in return.. got some teachings.. some facts.. some lessons..

people come.. explore u.. become a part of your life... and you being ignorant allow them to add into it.. and then something happens.. some conditions rise and they leave you.. this is how life treats you..

but.. are all the reasons apt..? the reason of people going away from u..? was it their way of utilizing u..? or it was actually very genuine.. i have been thinking..! thinking reasons of losing people whom i actually thought very close to me.. people whom i accepted without any conditions..

now as they r far away.. i definitely dont care about them as they r no more important in my life after their decision of going away.. but reasons... reasons are something that i always wanted to know.. cause.. at some phase of my life.. they were a part of it.. and i existed in them.. i was a part of them too..!!

Drops from heaven..

Rains... the word itself gives pleasure to many a thirsty souls.. me you and many others.. who can smell the freshness of first drops after an age long heat.. wont agree more on the happiness that it brings...

these days i m in kolkata and have faced a hell of a time... similarly.. like saurabh.. "there was never a day when i dint cursed kolkata.."

as i always did... taking my bike out.. and running on full throttle... tea mesmerizing my mood.. sweets to mellow my mind.. and lastly the city view from the hilltop... thats the way i treat the first drops from heaven...

some moments i miss still gets played like a movie when i close my eyes... friends on the backseat and shouting.. screaming their lungs out... the chill of air shivering my hands.. and drops falling on my forehead and eyelids as i stare up towards the sky..

but kolkata actually showed me its importance.. heat and humidity took toll over us in past few weeks.. a place where every thing was going wrong in our lives.. the weather showed me some hard ways getting along wid life...

that afternoon.. when "bijli" actually made its presence felt... was one of the happiest moment that i had here... soon after it was raining.. and everyone i saw around me were dancing.. jumping in happiness... anuroop shouting.. YAAYYYY.... YAYYY... BIJLIII.... and saurabh jumping running shouting BIJILII in his own typical way.. and ravi shouting.. AAJ TO MAZA AA GAYA.. everyone seemed so happy...

on the terrace.. they played cricket... then tea.. snacks... and a heartful of memories... took re-birth inside me.. a great time.. after 4 years meant a lot to me.. some joys lost were now recovered... in this new phase of friendship...

thoughts were flying... so was me...

arguments of silence...

waiting..?? hmmm... so u have decided that you wont speak..!! why..?? just because i said you something that you would never b able to forget.. and something that invaded your heart that u also know is true..?? so.. is it a fault..?? confessing love.. to show that u care..?? friendship ends like this..?? on such empty notes..??

ever thought.. how much one person can care for you..? how much u cud hv hold importance in one's life..? the trust some one wud have on u..??

when u move on un destined paths.. there is always some one close to you sharing ur each step.. looking at you.. holding you.. guiding you for correct turns.. some one.. whose wishes always take care of you..

there was a time when we used to sit together.. holding hands.. silently looking into each others eyes.. but now.. separation has made way between us.. your silence is horrifying .. with your back towards me.. is giving no happiness.. i feel as if the world is filled with sadness.. my words ached u.. but those words when told by you comforted me most.. gave me divine happiness that showered smiles in my life.. your presence left an essence of love and kindness..

away by miles.. words now dont exist within us.. holds silence from both ends arguing to each other.. and i always wish.. that may be.. just may be.. some day.. this silence will break... will break into tears.. of confessions and realizations.. someday u will say me how close i was to your heart.. how important i was as your part.. how deeply you always thought about me.. and how i breathed in your name all this time..

everything that i cudnt say while being silent.. will pour out of soul.. to reach you.. for a place in ur heart named after me.. to stay till life departs..!!

MOTHER..

"mumma.. aaj school nahin na jana mujhe.. please.. ghar pe rehna hai.. " i remember these words when i was almost 6.. i had tears all over my face.. my tooth was broken.. it was paining.. so i dint wanted to leave for school that day.. she gave me a hug.. and said.. "school nahin jayega to seekhega kaise..??".. and i answered.."aap bhi to teacher ho... aap sikha do"..

mother.. the teacher to all.. and in a way that no else can be.. the relation so pure.. that comparison of it doesnt holds any boundaries.. any meanings.. the person who understands your pain by feeling it herself.. one who sheds tears with you when you cry.. one.. with whom you dont feel shy to share anything..

my meaning of mother can only be limited to my vision.. my understanding and my knowledge..

mother for me is.. who teaches to take steps in life.. who makes you speak.. who incorporates all the values in you to complete you as a human.. who is always a guiding way to success..

the selfless of all.. mother.. even her slaps on your face wont hurt you that much.. that it hurts in her heart.. the ocean of love that always ponders warmth is what every child crave for.. for me.. mother has always been a pillar of my life.. separation can never exist between this relationship..

mumma.. mom.. mummy.. mum.. maa.. many a words that define mother.. coming straight from heart.. calls for the god.. she gave you birth.. she brought you into this world.. she is the god.. helping your ways when u face troubles. a cozy shelter from the world.. a person of morality and humanity.. a person most important in anyones life.. mother.

i love her.. more than anyone else.. she is the reason where i stand now.. i owe my life to her.. the relationship that has all the divinity existing in it.. makes me feel pure.. when i m in her lap.. her tears are my worries.. her smile is my happiness..

be what age.. i m always ur lad.. the kid yearning for your affection.. i love u mumma..

a depiction..

the glory of the tree is actually measured by its leaves and fruits.. the height it raises to.. the depth of roots they go and reach..

the matter is.. what when the depth and height is there.. but the ornaments that it wears are missing..? i understand.. the autumn has also its role to play.. but what if the spring goes unnoticed..??

sometimes.. the time dont give u a damn.. doesnt care for you.. and follows it own path to entertain others.. somehow neglecting your needs.. be however u stand high. all that matters sometime is the air that brings you spring back in.. we have our pride in showing others what we own.. what we carry on our shoulders.. what we do and what we get in return..

we.. have our own glory in displaying our traits.. feel proud for being the person we are.. and value amongst others.. but never ever care for the depths we should have. the maturity that generally goes missing in many a people.. keeps you 2 inches above the ground. floating in the air.. we never know when we could fall..

me.. as a person respect values.. have my friends to boast and some heights in form of expectations i want to reach... time as changed.. have blown away all my leaves.. i have no fruits to bear.. standing alone.. i only have a hope that time would change.. maybe spring will follow the autumn.. some freshness will elegantly soothe me with its eloquence.. some Florence will recolor my dry shades .. some cool breeze will tickle my branches.. and will make me feel special..

...will make me feel won some day.. achievements very hard for me to count as my leaves.. i can only say that whole of my time i actually spent giving shadow.. but this time i expect a swing.. that tracks me back in the paths of success and leads me somewhere that i can glorify all..

life holds some special purpose.. i cant be always a log.. whose destiny is to get burnt some day.. i want to b a gold.. more i grow old.. precious i get..

everyone have their own ways.. my way is simplicity..!