~~~~ Noise ~~~

I came back from office.. around an hour back.. but I can still hear the loud horns.. the traffic guzzling through me.. I still have the sight of that excel sheet that I loathe.. best part is .. I am still breathing.

Years back when I was craving for technological stuffs.. I never knew I would hate my phone so much that I will throw it when it will ring when I would be sleeping... never did i think that I would start hating laptops after spending almost half a day with them..

Now .. I am listening to radio.. more ads than songs.. more noise than songs.. more screams than songs.. It was the year 2002 to 2004.. when I used to love each song I heard on television.. recorded some very good ones after saving some pocket-money that my Dadaji used to give to me... listening to songs and thinking about a single face.. stuck with the same page of R.D.Sharma and same cassette for 3 nights.. and that face for may be 300 lives..

Today while I was coming back .. it was raining.. and needless to say.. i travelled back while moving ahead.. i had a smile on my face.. my bike slowed to 20 KMPH.. my imaginations started framing the picture I forgot long time back .. but then.. this time the face was different.. i opened my eyes.. stopped my bike..put a hand on my chest and checked if I am alive.. the memories had taken a different face .. I came back home..

Someone insisted that I should write.. well.. seriously I never felt like writing after something happened last year.. but still.. I thought .. lets write.. so now I am having tea.. some snacks.. radio on the side.. doors opened.. cold breeze.. a heavy heart and moving fingers.. Loneliness sitting beside me staring at my laptop screen.. and then looking at me .. laughing and then merrying around the whole house.. I ignored her.. so she is sitting right in front of me now.. I tell her.. I will write.. she laughs.. then I tell her.. I will paint.. I will do photography.. she laughs again.. but then.. I cheat her.. and I sleep.. and sleeps ride beside me.. wakes up with me.. and be my shadow for the whole day.

I miss my Dadaji.. i could not cry.. but then.. I miss everyone.. I miss the peace I used to feel.. with friends.. with family.. with myself.. today when I dont even like to see myself... I have a person who says look upto life.. its beautiful.. just like her and we should be thankful to God.. and then there is another person who has given me strength to go for what I have built those castles of dreams.. pushes me to take another step towards what I want I wanted to do.. couldn't thank her enough too..

I miss my "Bullet".. i miss the streets of Kolkata.. miss the parameter of our college.. miss the ring road of Rourkela.. I feel that ache in my heart.. I dont feel love anymore.. being such a pessimistic person.. may be realization of happiness would come very late to me.. but then.. i fear the late could be too late.. there is no end to all this.. may be i should just concentrate on the current song.. and sleep... a cheerful blog.. next time.. pakka.. promise..

".. haii shor kare.. kitna bore kare.. bewajaah baaton pe.. aewaiin gaur kare.. .....
...........................................to...............baccha hai ji.."