...the joke got more severe....

today i felt.. past is not just past..!! it is rather a part of you.. cuz u existed in ur past.. there happened something.. which u thought n decided.. should now b a past.. but.. what happens when it returns to you.. what you do..?? take it as past..? or the second chance that god gives you..??

i m an atheist.. stopped believing in him.. after the incident i wrote in my last post.. so now.. he is playing games wid me.. to show me his existence.. OK.. YOU won..!.. but still i believe.. u never ease any one's life.. n test them whenver u get a chance.. cruel hearted.. n stoned .. u dont like sum 1 who is happy.. so u put jolts one after another in his life.. n u doing this wid me since 5 yrs.. i hate you now.. either take my life.. or let me live the way i want to live..!! plzz..!!

well.. she came yesterday... ya she is SHE only.. ya ya.. i know u guessed it right.. that chemistry girl..
she came yesterday.. i was trying to take a nap then.. in the evening.. when mom came n tried to wake me up.. i thought i hv entered into a horrible dream.. so i tightly closed m eyes.. n tried to avoid her words.. that i thought she was saying in my dream.. but.. it was ture..!! she really was there.. n to my astonishment.. she was endearing a lovely friendly smile.. that alws made me faint(almost every time).. wid her was her frnd also who accompanied her to see who i was..

she was there for 73 minutes i think.. n in those few minutes.. i hardly spoke anything.. i was seeing her after 4 yrs.. i preferred looking to those eyes. n was pleased to see that shine till now.
conversation started lightly.. she was inspecting my room.. old paintings were still on walls.. old painter still gazed at her they way he did 5 yrs ago.. new thing she found was my guitar.. i played a song for her.. that i knew best.. n then we turned to sum serius talks.. i asked n she answered.. she is single again.. n happy being that..! my hopes took birth n died instantly within a second..

few things i dint knew came forward.. 1 day.. on my b-day.. 2 yrs back.. i kinda proposed her on radio.. taking her name.. address.. profession n all.. n she got that mssg... for me radio was just a mean of giving it all out what i had in my heart for 3 yrs.. i cudnt keep that in my heart.. so vomited it out.. never knew she wud get that.. HE played game here too..!..

now when she came.. the moment i alws longed for.. did came.. but privacy.. was a thing that was missing.. for 2 minutes i needed no one around us.. so that.. cud say her how much i love her.. alas.. i was shattered inside.. the broken pieces had no sound.. but it crashed hard.. i asked her for 1 hour.. from the three days she is still here.. so that i cud express it for once n all.

i wanna say her..

" i love you..

more than any other person that i hv known after knowing you.. i cant live without you.. i hv no problems wid ur past.. but i want ur present n future wid me.. i see u in my every plannings.. every moment.. only i knw.. how i hv survived in past 4 yrs..

i will try my best to give all the happiness that exist in this universe.. i wont ever bring a tear out of sadness in ur eyes.. i will take care of u more than anything u can think of.. i wont leave ur hand forever if you give it in my hands.. i wud die if you wont b there in my life.. although my body wud move.. but soul wud disappear if u say "no".. u know all this.. i know u see everything in my eyes.. u hear my all unsaid messages.. but the bottom line is..

i love you.. be mine..!"

NOW u wud b thinking what a loser i m.. yes u r right.. cuz when HE won.. i had to loose..! i cant survive widout her.. she has that force in her that captivate my thoughts.. that alws move me towards her.. i tried not to b like this .. but her visit has revoked everything again.. rekindled the memories.. of past.. she is b'ful.. i can see her... but cant touch her.. cant feel her.. she has alws been mine in my heart. in my thoughts.. who existed was only she..

people.. this time.. life realyy played a joke with me.. and a severe one.. i hv no reason to smile.. u can smile if u want.. cuz HIS jokes are alwz the greatest...