i believed that 2004 was the best year of my life.. i passed hopelessly in my 12th. got admission into a decent college.. n like every other boy.. like an obedient son.. i took my steps in order to convert my parents dream of being an engineer..!
well.. being from a small place has its own advantages and disadvantages.. Rourkela.. probably the best city of Orissa.. of a developing country INDIA.. is where i belong too. got friends.. that i know will accompany me forever. had a lot of crushes.. on the beauties.. that still makes a mark all over orissa. Rourkela is great in its own ways. but..
... this is place where the study is a part of bussiness.. coaching institutes.. n promises of placing students into IITs n NITs..* (* conditions applies that student must b sincere n studious n hard working n intelligent enuff to place himself in an esteemed institute). i was like one of their customers to whom they provided service for an annual cost. anyways.. i landed in a private college.. forget IITs n NITs.. even state govt. colleges turned out to b like a next life's job to me..!
as i told previously.. i loathed chemistry.. but was loving that time.. specially.. when she started to come.. later on.. all classes were common between us. we improved from just staring n gazing to each other. now when i look back at that time.. i realize.. i was in love..!
came 2004.. n we were all celebrating. 1st of Jan.. hangout wid frnz. but whole day a thought was pinching my nerves.. what the hell i m missing..??.. y i cant actually gel into the conversation we friends were having.. whom my eyes are searching for..?? i reached home.. n went straight away under my warm cozy blanket.. n decided something.. n cursed myself coz' that i shud have done earlier.
next day in the morning of.. 2nd of jan.. 2004.. i knew exactly what i needed to do.. wanted to do.. have to do.. yes.. i had to confess my feeling for her to her.. or else.. i knew.. i wont last for long. i called her to ensure if she wud b at home. with all arrangements.. i went to her home.. i kept a red rose in the inner pocket of my jacket. we talked for some time .... n then i asked her.. whether she has anyone spcl in her life..?
she glanced at me from the corner of her eyes. her head bent down.. she smiled.. n asked me.. "do i really hv to answer this..??".. i had to say "yes.!" .. my voice changed totally in a split of a second. i was sounding nervous.. there arose so much silence for a minute.. i m sure she cud have easily heard my heartbeat.. GOD only knows what was she thinking.. and then she said "YES".. looking staight into my eyes. for a moment i thought it wud b the best day of my life today.. but she continued.. like.. "yes.. but y u asking such qn today..? is everything fine..??"
last thing i remember.. i was saying with breaking voice .. hisses n whispers coming out instead of loud n clear words...." please forget whatever i said just a minute ago.. although it was all truth.. but i never wanted to create this mess into ur life.. ".. n started walking.. but remembered something.. so i turned back to her.. she was staring at me.. shocked of what i just said to her.. n wondering.. whats next..
but the work has to b done.. wiping tears with the sleeves, trying to represent myself O.K. .. as if i m not shattered by her decision.. i gathered all my strength.. i was trembling.. my knees shaking.. i moved towards her.. trying to bring a smile on my teary wet face.. i finally took out the day's present.. . i gave her that rose.. and said.. "happy new year".. she knew.. this wasn't a happy new yr rose.. its purpose was different..
ok.. keep on laughing.. i know.. my life is a big joke.. at least u r smiling.. its gud.. sum one is happy..
2004 wasn't the best yr of my life..
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